Hello, everybody. Welcome. Thank you so much for joining me today. It is Thursday 1st Kodash El. Today, we are talking about another situation where a person is allowed to accept Lushanhara as fact. So we've been talking in general about being in the position of a listener, somebody who hears Lushanhara, and generally speaking, a person's job when they hear Lushanhara is to not accept this fact that it's true, which is very challenging. We spent a lot of clips talking about this. And yesterday we talked about the fact that if a person makes a deduction, so somebody says something that's totally not Lushanhara, and you have additional information and put the pieces together, you could believe that information because it was never told over as Lushanhara. Another situation where a person would be allowed to accept the Lushanhara is when the person that is spoken about is not considered to be part of Amisachah. So when it comes to speaking Lushanhara, we talked about this not that long ago, Lushanhara, the halachos of Lushanhara, are for Jews about Jews. And so a person, technically, is allowed to speak Lushanhara about a non-Jew. Now there are other reasons why a person shouldn't speak Lushanhara about non-Jews, and we can get into that in another clip. I get a lot of questions about this, but not because it's not Lushanhara. So Lushanhara, specifically, is referring to speaking negatively about your fellow Jew. It's the Pusuk that says, Lo se le churachal ba'amecha, don't go as a peddler or gossip amongst your people. Now a person who is technically Jewish could lose the status of Amisachah through one of two ways. They could either be a public apichores, so they could be speaking out against Torah, or they could be a public sinner, meaning behaving so morally publicly that their public behavior is totally antithetical to Torah and Torah values. Now even then, even if a person does those two things, they might not have the status of not being Amisachah. They would have had to have all the advantages grow up, know what they're doing is wrong, and then kind of turn their back on Torah. And you really wouldn't decide on your own that a person doesn't have that status of Amisachah. Therefore, I'm allowed to speak Lushanhara about them. You would need like a post-sacre or a guddle or somebody to say that this person you could speak Lushanhara about, even though he's Jewish, he's not considered to be part of Amisachah because of what he's doing or what he's saying or the way that he's behaving. But it also is true for accepting. So if a person is not part of Amisachah, if a person is not considered part of your people, you can hear something bad about them and totally accept it, believe it is true and not feel guilty about believing it is true and not take it on board because that person through their behavior has lost all the protections of Lushanhara. So they don't have the right for people to not speak about them, give them the benefit of the doubt, which also comes hand in hand with speaking Lushanhara, right? The judgments that we make about people, the perceptions that we have about people obviously are going to be sort of the prelude to how we then speak about them. And then when things are spoken about them, so, you know, if it's our fellow Jew, so we care about the reputation and we want to, we care about how we think about them. We care about how we behave towards them. So we are always trying in our minds to like, figure out a way where we could still have those sort of positive feelings towards that person. And that's where all that not accepting is fact that it's true comes in because we don't want to take on board negativity towards our fellow Jew, but a person who's not considered part of a mischa loses that privilege where we're making that effort to feel about them a certain kind of way. Anyways, that's it for today. Thank you all so much for listening. Happy Ashkosh, everybody. With Hashem's help, I'll meet you back here tomorrow.

Hello, everybody. Welcome. Thank you so much for joining me today. It is Friday, Rishikesh El. Today we're talking about a few more examples where a person is allowed to believe Lashanara and then just sort of the takeaway of this whole topic. So we've been talking about our role as a listener and what we do when we're in the position of hearing Lashanara. And we've heard it, maybe we weren't careful enough or maybe it was inadvertent and we didn't realize that the conversation was going a certain kind of way. And now what do we do? So our obligation is to not accept this fact that the Lashanara is true. And there are certain exceptions to that, two of which I'll mention here today. One is when it's something that's completely verifiable. So for example, let's say somebody comes over to you and says, you know, I just got this shirt at the local firm store and it cost 50 bucks. And I was just looking, I was curious, I looked on Amazon and I found the same exact shirt, same exact brand for $30. This guy is totally overcharging. So that's the kind of thing that that detail is so clear and so easily verifiable that obviously the person who hears that would believe this fact that that's true, that this store is overcharging. Another example is if there's a very, very strong circumstantial evidence also called Dvaramhani Karam. So that back up the story in this, both of these cases, you'd believe the facts of the story in both of these cases as well, even though there's lush and horror and there's a factual story that one is believing. Still, there is always room for being down the house, giving the benefit of the doubt. If you really were searching hard in the case of this, you know, maybe the store, you would say, I mean, listen, his rent is very high. So he has to charge a little bit more than Amazon, meaning, yes, he's overcharging, but there's reasons for it. And there's maybe some business decisions that are going into this. Certainly you would obviously choose to buy the shirt on Amazon yourself because we don't talk about this a little more next week. We always want to protect ourselves even when we hear lush and horror. We don't accept it. And this is the tricky dance that we do where we maybe act on information that we hear without accepting its fact that it's true. But there are certainly circumstances where a person is allowed to believe the story that they're hearing. Now the obligation comes is that after we maybe have heard a story where we're allowed to believe it and you know the circumstances or the conditions are there where we're allowed to believe it without guilt, one is now not allowed to repeat it even so. So again, we always want to remember that lush and horror by definition is saying something that is either damaging or derogatory. That is true. So we believe something and it's true and we're allowed to believe it. That doesn't follow now that we're allowed to repeat it unless of course it's a situation where there's to LS and we're, you know, need to repeat it to protect something somebody else from harm. I think if this actually comes up, you know, for real in life, you know, a person would ask a Shia about this piece of lush and horror that they heard. And what am I allowed to believe about it? And what am I allowed to now do with this information that I had, if it's really practical to maybe tell somebody else somebody else needs to know they're shopping in the store. They really can save their money. And, you know, they're wasting, wasting their money shopping at the store that's overcharging, let's say. Anyways, it's it for today. Thank you all so much for listening. Have a wonderful Shabbos. Happy Rosh Chodesh. Since it's Rosh Chodesh, I'll I'll be back doing Q&A clips on Sunday if I get some questions. And I did in fact get some questions this week about listening to somebody events. So I believe we'll talk about that on Sunday. Have a good job as everybody.

Hello everybody. Welcome. Thank you so much for joining me today. It is Sunday, the third day of El. I hope you all had a beautiful Shabbos. So Sunday is which is for me from Rosh Khodosh El till Shavuas. If I get questions, I answer them on Sunday. Sunday's eclipse goes a little bit longer and I got a few great questions that I want to deal with here. So hopefully this won't take too long. But the first question was about how to validate somebody while not accepting the fact that it's true and the challenges of truly helping somebody if you don't buy into their story. Now, if a person is in a situation where they're required to listen to somebody, so let's say they're professionally required to, they're a therapist, a coach, a RAV, a mentor, or it's a friend, somebody calls you up to vent, your friend calls you and says, listen, I just got a photo with my mother-in-law. I am so upset and I need to talk to somebody before my husband gets home, or I'm going to say something to him about his mother and it's not going to be good. So in that situation, you're clearly allowed to listen, but you're not necessarily accepting the details or the facts as true the way the person says it. And in fact, that actually, somebody else messaged me this as well. She said she feels like it helps, in fact, if you have that perspective when you're listening, because when you overly empathize with somebody, you run the risk of confirming their worst ideas about whatever the intentions of the person they're venting about, right? You just get on their side just a little too much. And so having that sense of, OK, I'm not seeing the whole story. I'm just dealing with her pain really allows you to help that person say, listen, you know, maybe you're very triggered because of this, or you happen to be particularly sensitive about this. Certainly in the case that I just gave with the mother-in-law, in that situation, you could always say, listen, a mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship is always a little difficult. And so this person is so annoying to my friend because she's the mother-in-law, not just because she did something that's objectively bad, right? I'll refer you back to the clip I did about difficult mother-in-laws. It was a video that I posted for those of you who joined the chat after I posted it. I believe it's on the podcast. And I also have one on difficult daughter-in-law. So I have to post that one as well, Mr. Shamal, or myself to do that. So, you know, a person tells you a story. And I always quote Robertson Barkin. I think I mentioned this recently on the chat where she said, you know, there was only one fight where one person was 100 percent right and another person was 100 percent wrong. And that was Moshe and Korach. Every other fight in the history of the world, there's some responsibility on both sides, even if it's 80-20. And I've certainly been in situations where I've listened to somebody talk and I'm like, I can't believe this person did this. I can't believe they behave that way. And then I hear the other side of the story and I'm like, OK. So there's a detail that I didn't get that this person didn't share with me. And so you can always use those sort of cognitive tools when we're listening to somebody validate and recognize that your job is not necessarily to be a detective and to determine the truth of what the person is saying. Your job when you're listening to somebody is to help a person deal with their pain. The distress is 100 percent real. The pain is 100 percent real. Helping a person cope is 100 percent valid. And that doesn't necessarily go hand in hand with accepting facts as the person is relaying them over. Now, another question I got is just about public figures. So we talked about somebody not being part of Amisaka. And we said that a person not being part of Amisaka really means that they grew up with all the advantages and turn their back on the Torah. But it is also true that there are people who publicly work against Torah values. So, you know, they're saying something publicly that's antithetical to Klay Israel, to Torah values, whether it's morally or whether it's intellectually. And because of social media, this is what this person had messaged me. It seems like there's many more opportunities to see who is not part of Amisaka. People are posting, I don't know, free Palestine or, you know, saying things that are anti-Israel or people are behaving immorally online. And it's very easy to see it and to track it and to note it. And I would still say what I said in the clip earlier this week, which is I would always ask a Shaila to find out if this behavior counts as somebody not being Amisaka. But either way, you know, even if somebody is part of Amisaka, if somebody says something publicly, you're always allowed to disagree with a person's opinion or details. It doesn't necessarily have to veer into now we're personally maligning somebody. And how we talk is first and foremost about sort of our standards for our speech, regardless of whether or not there might be a loophole that I could say something negative about that person. So I think that's an important thing to remember. But I would always ask a Shaila just to find out. But I think that sometimes we might have a tendency to think that we have more opportunities to know now who is not part of Amisaka because of media, because of, you know, the way that everybody has access to a microphone, which is just sort of an interesting thing to think about. Another thing, and this is also in relation to sort of public information. So there's just public information that is very negative and you want to share it with somebody so that they know what's going on. So let's say somebody posts a picture of themselves and they're no longer religious and they're living a lifestyle that's antithetical to Torah. So this is sort of, you know, segueing from that not Amisaka category. Although I don't know that a person living that lifestyle will technically not be part of Amisaka. But let's say publicly they post, you know, their their life all the time. And there's pictures and they're clearly living a non Torah lifestyle. So somebody asked me a question. Can I tell my mother and let her know? All right. So the answer to that question is yes. But so let's say you have a situation where you see online that your mother's friend's son, right, like in the example that I just gave is no longer religious, living a certain kind of lifestyle. So there could be a really good reason why you'd want to tell your mother just so that she knows, let's say, not to say something. Maybe that could potentially be embarrassing to her friend. Right. So she's going to call up her her friend and say, Oh, how's, you know, how's your son doing? What's going on with him? Or maybe to not necessarily talk about her own kids who are, who are thriving and well in Yeshivo and her, her other child is clearly struggling. And so if the purpose, let's say, is to protect your mother from embarrassment or just so she should know what's going on, then a person would be allowed to share that information if it's public. If the person's intent in the conversation is to either say something that's gossipy, to embarrass, to publicize something negative, then in that case, a person would not be allowed to share that information. And it's very easy, by the way, for the conversation that's just being shared so you can protect somebody from not saying something silly, stupid or embarrassing or whatever it is for it to veer into lush and hard territory. So you're calling, you know, your friend and you're saying, Listen, we're about to go to this social situation. We're going to this wedding. I just want you to know that these two people are no longer speaking so that you don't say something that is going to be really embarrassing. And then you could easily sort of get into the details of the fight and why they're not speaking and why

Hello, everybody. Welcome. Thank you so much for joining me today. It is Monday, the fourth day of El. Today we were talking about being Khoshaysh, which means being suspicious when we hear Lashanara. And so the halacha is is that when we hear Lashanara, we're not allowed to accept this fact that it's true. However, we are allowed to protect ourselves and act based on the information. Now, this is a very tricky balance, right? Because on the one hand, we don't want to change the way we think, the way we feel about our fellow Jew. And we'll talk about this in a second. Our obligations towards our fellow Jew don't change based on Lashanara that we heard. However, we are allowed to take practical steps to protect ourselves and protect other people from Lashanara that we heard. And it doesn't matter how big or how small the Lashanara is. So if we hear something that somebody violated, something major, did a huge thing, or we hear just about a minor infraction, it doesn't matter if we hear that somebody violated a halacha, let's say being other than the maqam between man and God. So maybe somebody hears that somebody doesn't keep this mitzvah very well. Or maybe somebody hears about somebody being at the maqavah or between man and friend. Somebody hears that somebody, he's not good to his mother. He's not kind to his family. He's not a good friend. Maybe somebody hears about personal deficiencies. So somebody hears that the Rav isn't worthy of his position. He's not smart enough. He's not good enough. Any of that type of Lashanara might cause a person to behave in a certain way, to protect themselves, to protect their family, to protect their friends, maybe, but their obligations doesn't don't change. So what are those obligations? We have an obligation, let's say, if you have to the Rai Haqamokha to love our fellow Jew as ourselves, we have an obligation to give a person a loan or give a person staka. All of those obligations still remain. We just might do something practical. So let me give you some examples of how that might play out. So let's say somebody has a business and they hear that one of their employees from Jew is maybe being dishonest. So they're allowed to, let's say, not rehire that person, contract up. I'm not going to keep them at their job or they might even fire them, potentially, depending on the circumstances of the situation. But they're certainly not allowed to withhold wages, let's say, until such time as their contract is up or their employment is over. Another example might be that, let's say, somebody hears something about a Yeshiva. So they might choose to not send their son to that Yeshiva. And they might choose even, let's say, if they hear their friend is thinking about sending their son to the Yeshiva to say, listen, you know what, before you make a decision about where you're sending your kid, maybe speak to this person or that person and send them to somebody who will be able to give them the information that's let's tell us without violating the laws of Lushanhara. But even though a person might not, let's say, send their child to that Yeshiva, to that camp, when they meet the people who run the Yeshiva, we're talking about, let's say, Rashi Yeshiva, they give them all the respect that somebody who is in that position would deserve. Right? So whatever obligations a person has, and the obligations that we have to our fellow Jew are not just practical with regards, let's say, it's stuck or behaving a certain way. But they're also a mental emotional, like I said before, we have to learn how to love our fellow Jews ourselves. So while we might take practical steps to protect ourselves and to not put ourselves in, I don't know, a firing range of the Lushanhara, we still want to always think about how we think about our fellow Jew and how we feel about our fellow Jew. And those are just as important as maybe some of the other things that we're going to be doing, maybe, where obligations towards our fellow Jew doesn't change, but neither does the way that we feel in our heart. So like I said, very fine line to walk here. Anyways, that's it for today. Thank you all so much for listening. Have a wonderful day everybody with a Shem Salaf. I'll meet you back here tomorrow.

Hello, everybody. Welcome. Thank you so much for joining me today. It is Tuesday the fifth day of El. Today we are continuing to talk about being suspicious, hearing information that a person needs to act on to protect themselves or to protect their family. And yesterday, we talked about when a person hears Lushanara, and then they're gonna act on some of that Lushanara without accepting the fact that it's true. That's very challenging. Today, we're gonna make it even more challenging because today we're talking about when it's Rakhilis. So somebody comes and tells you that somebody said something about you or did something to you or to a family member. And in that situation, it's even harder to not take it on board and have that information change the way you think or feel or behave towards your fellow Jew, but you're still actively doing something to protect yourself against that Rakhilis. And I actually just got this question yesterday that was exactly dealing with the situation where somebody asked me, they know of somebody whose child is in Shedokim and they know that there's somebody who's saying something that's derailing a specific Shedok. She wants to go tell the mother. Now, assuming all the conditions are met, this would be a perfect example of Rakhilis Latoelis where this woman is obligated to go tell the parents, hey, I just want you to know your child is, you're working on the Shedok and somebody's going and saying something bad about your daughter to the family of the boy and they might say no because of this information that they're saying. Now, so this mother is hearing Rakhilis about her daughter. It's Rakhilis, if you hear something bad about yourself and also about your child. About your child sometimes it's even worse, right? Then hearing that somebody's saying bad about you. So this mother now hears Rakhilis, so she is not only allowed to, but she should be acting on this information so that either she should be figuring out who's saying these rumors and stopping them or maybe she could find somebody else who can go to the family of the boy and tell the boy like why this information isn't correct, anything else she can do to not derail the Shedok is what she should be doing, but at the same time where she's acting on this information that somebody told her and in this case this person is allowed to tell her, it's not always the case that somebody who tells you Rakhilis is allowed to tell you that Rakhilis, either way the obligation is the same, which is that you're suspicious, you act on it. I will talk a little bit about more tomorrow when we hear something, what our first and second steps are supposed to be, but we're acting certainly to protect ourselves, to protect, in this case, the child, but not changing the way we think or feel about that Jew and not changing any mitzvah obligations that we have towards that person. So if we have to learn Rakhimokha or if there's some other obligation that a person has, let's say, to help them in some way, those things don't change and the protection, though, is something that the person is obligated to do, meaning whatever steps they have to take to do damage control for the Rakhilis to make sure, in this case, that the Shedok goes through, but there could be a lot of other situations where this might happen. And just like we said yesterday, when we're acting a certain way, but it's in contradiction to how we're supposed to feel or behave in other areas, in this case of mitzvah observance or in other areas of Halacha, it certainly is a very tricky thing to hold both together. But as we always say with regards to these types of things, if Hashem obligates us to do that, it means that we can. And we could hold both those things together where, on the one hand, we're doing something to protect ourselves. On the other hand, we're giving people either the benefit of the doubt, we don't know the whole story. We're not sure why they're saying this thing and we don't make it something where we now are gonna hold a grudge, take revenge, all these other mitzvah obligations that now come into play with regards to how we treat our fellow Jew. Anyway, that's it for today. Thank you all so much for listening. Have a wonderful day everybody with Hashem's help. I'll meet you back here tomorrow.

Hello, everybody. Welcome. Thank you so much for joining me today. It is Wednesday, the 6th day of El. Today we're going to talk about how to be Khosheish, how to be suspicious when we hear information that's negative. So as we've said, when a person hears Lushanara, they're not allowed to accept this fact is true, but they are allowed to protect themselves. And sometimes that information requires even more follow-up and even more soliciting of information that is potentially Lushanara. And it makes it just all the more challenging to not accept this fact that it's true. When we say we're not accepting this fact that it's true, what we mean by that is that we are not changing our behavior or our feelings towards our fellow Jew just because we've heard something that means that we have to change our behavior and our actions. Now, there's some types of information which we might hear that don't require follow-up, but we would just protect ourselves if we heard it. So let's say, for example, somebody comes over and says, listen, I heard you just moved to Elm Street. It's an amazing block. I just want to give you a heads up that you have a neighbor on that block who's very toxic and doesn't have good boundaries. And so if you're going to be friend this person, just be aware that you really have to set very clear boundaries, otherwise she's going to be in your house every single second of the day. Okay, now whether that is even something that somebody's allowed to tell you that's besides the point, but maybe you would just be a little bit more mindful of setting healthy boundaries with this new neighbor and it wouldn't require any other action on your part with regards to finding out, is this really true? But sometimes there's information that somebody gives you and it could be information either that you solicit or that somebody comes over and offers. So you're starting a business and you're looking to hire people and somebody tells you something about a potential employee or you're asking for information, let's say, about a shidah or about a camp or school to send your kids to. And somebody says something, let's say, about a girl you're looking into for your son. And so it makes you a little bit concerned. That information doesn't just stop there, right? You don't just say, okay, I'm breaking off the shidah. I'm not sending my kids to that Yeshiva. I'm not going to hire this person. What you're obligated to now do is to go do research and to go find out. Now you're going and looking for research and you're going to maybe find out more negative information that will confirm what the first report was and that's going to make you behave in a certain way as to not hire somebody not to a shidah. And so it makes it even harder now to not accept the fact that it's true. But nevertheless, that's what a person is supposed to do. So you go and do research, obviously asking people who are aware of the laws of Lushin Hara and announcing your intentions beforehand, meaning anytime you're doing research for shidah, for anything, let's tell us for constructive purpose, you have to say, listen, I'm looking to hire this person. So I just need information and obviously it's not going to go anywhere. And then you go do the research. And then if you find out or you're initial report has either been confirmed by other people, so then you go ahead and you can act on that. So don't send your kid to the shiva, don't send your kid to the camp, don't go ahead with the shidah, don't go ahead and hire the person. And with all of that, our mitzvah obligations towards that person remains the same. And our obligation to love our fellow Jews as ourself remains the same. But not only do we protect ourselves, let's make it even harder now, we also potentially protect other people. So if I know that somebody else, let's say, is looking into the boy that I looked into for my daughter, and I found out this information, my obligation to that person, and we're going to talk about this more when we get into the laws of the Toalas, of constructive speech soon, would probably also be to pass along this information to say, listen, I just want you to know I did this research and maybe call this person, call that person. And just so that you should know that I don't know if this is an avenue that you should go down and you should look into this. And that is actually an extension of the Haftar-e-Rekha-Kumukha, loving my neighbor for myself. Because if I'm protecting myself against something, or there's something that I see that could potentially cause me harm, cause my children harm, certainly if I see a friend of mine getting into that same potential landmine, I would want to protect that person as well. Anyways, that's it for today. Thank you all so much for listening. Have a wonderful day everybody with Hashem's help. I will meet you back here tomorrow.

Hello everybody. Welcome. Thank you so much for joining me today. It is Monday the 11th day of LL Today we're talking about wanting to want to not speak Lush and horror so we talked last week and actually the last few weeks about being in the listener position and on Friday we talked about how being the Listener really is the more powerful position and as far as Lush and horror goes because if we would not want to hear gossip if we Would not tolerate Lush and horror so people wouldn't speak at us And it's very challenging because we sort of have a natural inclination to want to hear gossip It can be fun certainly could be interesting And so not wanting to hear Lush and horror is a very high madrigal person usually starts off with not wanting To want to hear Lush and horror and the best analogy that I could think of for this is let's say physical health So a person let's say who's struggling with their physical health whether it's You know their weight or fitness level, whatever it is So they want to be the kind of person that loves to exercise They want to be the kind of person that Naturally chooses healthy food, but they don't they want to eat carbs They want to eat sugar and that inclination never really goes away So we naturally want those things that give us that quick dopamine hit But what a person does is they make behavioral strategies So they maybe eliminate temptation they start a plan they start working they create an environment for success Maybe they have a friend knock on the door You know to go for a walk and so they don't really want to eat healthy food But they kind of want to be the person who eats healthy food And so if a person is really willing to do like consistent work and Tolerate disappointments or setbacks and just be consistent and go with it Eventually what happens is is that there are a lot of changes that happen and they turn around a year two years Three years later and they find that actually They do like those healthy foods that they eat or certainly if they have a you know opportunity to indulge They don't feel good and they recognize that right away and they start to appreciate how much stronger they are So the it's a horror never goes away It's not like we ever stop wanting things that are not good for us But we are in such a different place with regards to our health and we appreciate that place that we are and we recognize The fact that it's totally worth it because we're living on a totally different level of fitness and wellness The same is true with spiritual things as well specifically here I'm talking of course about Lush and horror, but a person creates situations for themselves behaviorally where maybe they're not speaking Lush and horror They're able to rise to a challenge where maybe when they hear Lush and horror they shut it down They kind of still really want to know and they wish they could you know engage in the gossip But eventually they get to a place where it's not part of their lifestyle so much anymore And they're living in a different place relationally with other people Certainly the relationship with speech is totally different and then when they indulge in that gossip they recognize immediately the spiritual wound that it costs and they the you know the challenge of Not speaking Lush and horror it doesn't ever go away But we recognize and feel so good about where we are and how worth it It is that we're just sort of in a different mindset about it and things that maybe we once tolerated We can't really tolerate anymore as far as speech goes So it doesn't necessarily start off with not wanting to hear gossip It starts off with not wanting to want to hear gossip and making small consistent changes and accepting those inevitable inevitable setbacks that come along with it but being consistent and Eventually getting to that place where we have we do become that person that creates that environment where people don't speak Lush and horror and Most of the time probably also don't want to hear it as well. Anyways, that's it for today Thank you all so much for listening have a wonderful day everybody with a chance up. I will meet you back here tomorrow

Hello, everybody. Welcome. Thank you so much for joining me today. It is Thursday, the 14th of El. Today we're talking about when it's a mitzvah to listen to Lushanara. So, until now, we've been talking about the challenges of being the listener position with regard to Lushanara. And most of our conversation has been how to avoid hearing Lushanara, or when one hears Lushanara, how to not accept this fact that it's true. But sometimes a person can be in a situation where there's Lushanara going on, and the obligation is to continue listening for a constructive purpose. And so that purpose, very often, is that sometimes when a person involves themselves in a conversation where there's Lushanara, they have the ability to change the mind of the people who are listening to Lushanara, maybe for the crowd, or maybe it's for the person, even who's speaking. So, let's say you have a situation where there's a few mothers sitting around. Let's say, we'll use an example with schools. Schools are started here. And schools, one of those things, our children, I should say, is one of those things where our emotions are very close to the surface. So, very often, a school type of scenario could be something where somebody gets very activated about and speaks Lushanara about. So, Rachel's sitting with her friends. And Leia is so upset because yesterday was the first day of school and her daughter got switched out of her class with all her friends. And Leia's furious. So, she's speaking negatively about the school and the teachers and the administration. And she's just so mad. And so, Rachel, as a listener, if she has the ability to de-escalate that conversation, maybe she works in the school or maybe she works in another school and she could say, you know, I've been in so many of these meetings and there's so many reasons why classes are switched and, you know, it could be that, you know, the school could explain to you why they did it if you call them up and you wouldn't be so upset if you knew why, what happened happened, or maybe that happened to her last year where her kid got switched out of her class. And she has the ability to say, listen, the same thing happened to me. My daughter got switched and I called the school and they explained to me what happened and actually turned out that, like, there were factors that I didn't know about in the switch. And it turned out to be such a good year for my daughter. And I also was, I was just like you last year after the first day of school. And so, by interjecting herself into the conversation and, you know, actively participating, she's not only changing what the people who are listening are hearing. So she's, you know, obviously maybe they would all have had a very negative impression of the school and Rachel has the ability in this situation to change that. But also she's changing or deescalating, in this case, Leia, who's the speaker. And now maybe she could change what Leia would do. So maybe before this conversation, Leia would call up and yell and scream and be really upset and, you know, just do things that would not even be helpful for her or her daughter. And now instead she'll call up and say, listen, I just wanted to check why this change happened, why I didn't know about it. What was the school thinking? I'm just curious what the cash bonus are. And if it doesn't work out for my daughter, maybe we can, you know, touch base after Yantif and switch her back into her other class. And so, in so many levels, there would be so many positive things that would happen by Rachel listening into the conversation, deliberately listening in, participating and getting involved in that conversation. And obviously, the obligation to not accept this fact that Shihara remains the same, even if a person has to get involved in the conversation. And of course, also a person really needs to sort of read the room and recognize whether or not, you know, they can get involved. And if they would get involved, if it would help and they would able to have that positive outcome like I demonstrated in this fictional story. Anyways, that's it for today. Thank you all so much for listening. Have a wonderful day everybody with Hashem's help. I'll meet you back here tomorrow.

Hello everybody. Welcome. Thank you so much for joining me today. It is Tuesday the 15th day of El. Today we are wrapping up our conversation about listening and we're going to talk today about what to do. So we've been talking about being in the position of hearing Lushenhara and we went through so many different halachos, how to not be macabre. We talked about when we're allowed to listen to Lushenhara and next week we're going to start our conversation of speaking Lushenhara to Lushenhara. But before we move off the topic of listening, I just want to go through it. It'll take me more than one clip I think to just remind ourselves about our obligations when we hear Lushenhara and sort of the practical realities of how to do and be in that position. And so the first and most unlikely obligation, so it's the ideal but it's the least likely to happen is to stop Lushenhara and to point it out to the people who are speaking. So it's the best option because we're stopping the Lushenhara and also we are teaching or pointing out the error in somebody else's ways and hopefully getting them to change. But like I said it's the least likely because people do not like to be told they're doing something wrong and usually when you point out somebody's thoughts to them, especially if you're right about it, they don't respond well and they very often will have some sort of a backlash response which is not helpful for anything. So I remember and by the way when I tell a story like this which is a true story, I do change the technical details but the emotional frequency and the practical frequency really is the same. So like the idea of the story is the same even though I'm kind of changing up some of the details but I was making some platters with a friend for Kiddish that she was making for her daughter and we're standing in the kitchen and we're about to get into you know handling the food and her mother walked in and said girls did you wash your hands before you touch the food? And we were in our 20s already doing this and we just nodded of course and said yes but when her mother walked out my friend turned to me and she said I have this crazy urge to go outside and rub my hands on the dirt before I touch the food right and it was in response to the mother telling her directly what to do we're pointing out something that maybe she thought you know wasn't doing well you know just being suspicious that she hadn't washed her hands in this case and so it's a natural response that anybody has when somebody points out something that they're doing wrong most people don't respond with thank you so much for telling me I really appreciate that and so of course that's true with regards to Lush and Harrah so you're in a situation where somebody speaking Lush and Harrah saying hey that's Lush and Harrah let's stop this conversation usually doesn't go very well and very often the person who said that winds up themselves getting spoken Lush and Harrah about when they leave the room so unless you know that the person is very receptive and wants you to say that stopping the Lush and Harrah usually if it's gonna happen if you're gonna be successful at it saying it as a joke would be really the best way so you know you say something like okay listen before we continue on with this conversation Yom Kippur's coming up is this is a conversation I'm gonna have to talk to God about on Yom Kippur right so like that's just kind of a gentle way to sort of indicate that maybe this conversation should go a little bit differently than the way that it seems to be going so if there's ever a chance to point that out that would be the ideal and just we should recognize even in ourselves I think it's an opportunity to recognize when people point things out to ourselves what our initial reaction is and very often it comes from really that we're doing the wrong thing not that the person who's saying something is necessarily wrong but then this takes a little while to come around to that realization and we do always have that instinctive kind of knee jerk negative response when somebody gives us muster and when we give other people muster to recognize that that usually is going to be the fact that it has not that people are going to thank us for pointing it out so anyways that's it for today we'll get into sort of the other strategies in the beginning of next week hopefully and then start talking about Lito Alice thank you all so much for listening have a wonderful Shabbos with Hashem Shalb I'll meet you back here next week

Hello everybody, welcome. Thank you so much for joining me today. It is Monday the 18th day of LL. Today we are talking about what to do when listening to Lushanara. So we've been talking about being in the listener position and our obligations but to wrap up this whole subject, we are going through just and as almost as like a hierarchy of options of what person should do when they're in the position of listening to Lushanara. And option number one, which we talked about last week, is straight out saying, hey, this is Lushanara. Let's change the subject or let's talk about something else. Now that's option number one, meaning it's the most ideal, but it's the least likely just because people don't generally like being told that they're doing something wrong. And so unless you really know your crowd and you know that they'd be receptive to that, usually that's not going to be the right option. The second best option is to change the subject and to just divert the conversation. Now, fortunately or unfortunately, it's very socially acceptable to cut people off. And so if you say to somebody, oh my gosh, wait a second, before you go on, I have this crazy thing happened to me yesterday and I have to tell you before I forget. Like I said, fortunately or unfortunately, that's a socially normal thing to do and you could change the subject in a way where the conversation is derailed and it never gets back to the original conversation, which is the Lushanara. Now, if a person is using that tactic to distract and it's very clear that what they're doing is because they want to change the subject, which is Lushanara, then really it's the same as option number one. The person might still feel chastised, they might feel judged, they might feel, you know, a little bit like negative towards the speaker who's distracting them. It really has to be done in a skillful way where it seems very natural and it's not meant to like point out to the person or to the people or to the crowd that they're doing something wrong. And, you know, like anything else we talk about here is obviously much harder in the moment. And when a person's under pressure in a conversation, they don't always think of the right thing or very often or usually even don't think of the right thing to say. But even this tactic really can have or can include some sort of forethought, especially if you know you're going into a situation where there are people who speak Lushanara or maybe a topic comes up that's very likely to see it's Lushanara, girls are sitting around, they start talking about their mothers-in-law. Chances are that's gonna head to a place where there's Lushanara. And so having things prepared when you're in situations that you know might potentially be difficult beforehand, let's say conversation topics to change, things that people are interested in, a story to tell, just something that, you know, has worked for you in the past. Maybe I know people here in this chat are very often sent in some suggestions of things that they say or questions that they ask when they're in tricky conversational spots. And if anybody has any, please send them in. I'll share them with the group. But just things that seem normal and seem socially appropriate but nevertheless can change the topic of the conversation. And that obviously that makes it so that the listener now is not hearing Lushanara, the person who's in that situation that's tricky, doesn't have to listen. And the next thing that it does of course is that the people who are speaking are not speaking that Lushanara, not doing that Avira, even if they're going to go back to Lushanara when that listener is not there, nevertheless, you know, we look at things on a spectrum. And so the amount of Lushanara that's spoken is objectively less because the speaker, the listener rather, was able to skillfully manage the conversation, switch the subject and you know, help the whole group move on to something else that's much more healthy and appropriate. Anyways, that's it for today. Thank you all so much for listening. Have a wonderful day everybody with Hashem's Help. I will meet you back here tomorrow.

Hello everybody, welcome. Thank you so much for joining me today. It is Tuesday the 19th day of El. Today we are talking about the third best option. So it's the third best option of a person who is in a situation where they are hearing Lush and Harrah. And as we've said previously, best option is to tell people whoever speaking, tell the speaker that it's Lush and Harrah. Second best option is to change the subject. Third best option is to get up and walk out of the room. Now the reason why the first best option is the best is because not only does it stop the Lush and Harrah, but it lets the people know that what they're doing is wrong and maybe they'll be more sensitive or stop that kind of speech in the future. Now it doesn't always go well and so it's not always likely, even though it would be ideal, because people don't appreciate being told that what they're doing is wrong. So you kind of have to know your crowd and know your audience. But if that doesn't work, option number two, changing the subject is the second best because while we're not maybe telling people that what they're doing is wrong, at least it stops the wrong doing from happening. Now, if that's not possible, getting up and leaving the room means the listener isn't listening, but the Lush and Harrah is still going on. And sometimes that's just the only thing that a person could do in that situation is just remove themselves. And there's a difference of opinion about whether or not a person is allowed a lie to do this. But, you know, a person could say something like, I just need to check my messages for a second. Oh, excuse me. And, you know, people always need to check their messages, so that's not necessarily a lie. You could usually think of somebody that you need to send a message to or somebody that you need to call and check in on. And just leave a situation. Now, I also want to say here that leaving a situation is something that doesn't just happen in person. It's something that also happens virtually. So maybe you're not following somebody anymore that you used to follow because of the content. And the person who's speaking, you know, or who's creating the content has no idea that you're leaving and not following them anymore. But nevertheless, you're just taking yourself out of a situation where there is negative speech that's happening. There's Lush and Harrah or, you know, some other kind of, I don't know, language or speech infraction, I should say. It's also leaving a chat, right? So sometimes you could just exit a virtual conversation that you're a part of because there's Lush and Harrah. Now, I would say just like we said yesterday with diversionary tactics, where if you're diverting somebody and they realize that the reason why you're doing it, it's because it's Lush and Harrah, then it's just the same as telling somebody that they're saying Lush and Harrah. And if you've judged that whoever is speaking is not going to be receptive to hearing that what they're saying is wrong. So just changing the subject in a very obvious and blatant way, it's just a passive-aggressive way of telling somebody that they're speaking Lush and Harrah. You need to do it in a way where they really don't realize they're just diverted. Same is true for leaving the room. So if you get up and walk out and people realize it's because you're upset about the conversation, you might as well just have said something. The only reason why you're leaving is because the people aren't receptive and you can't stop the conversation. And so the same is true with a chat. So leaving a chat sometimes is a very loud thing to do. It's like walking out of the room and slamming a door. And so very often a good idea if a person doesn't want to be in a chat, but doesn't want to obviously leave the chat because it's going to be like it's going to have that same message of disapproval of judgment of criticism. So a good solution in that case is just to archive a chat. So you're not seeing it and you're not participating in it anymore. You can't change what's going on in the chat, but you don't necessarily have to listen to what's going on either. And so it's really a nuanced and case by case situation with each individual conversation that happens and with each group that a person is a part of with regards to how to manage whatever the Schmerz Solution implications are. Anyways, that's it for today. Thank you all so much for listening. Have a wonderful day everybody with Hashem Sa'ab. I'll meet you back here tomorrow.

Hello, everybody. Welcome. Thank you so much for joining me today. It is Wednesday, the 20th day of El. Today we are talking about hearing but not listening. So this is going to be the fourth best option of what a person should do when they're in a situation where people are speaking Lush and Hara about them and their obligations as a listener from most ideal to least ideal, number one would be, as we said already, is to tell everybody that they're speaking Lush and Hara, point it out, not always possible. So then option two would be to change the subject. Again, not always possible. A person could be in a situation where somebody's giving a speech and they're trapped at a table at a bar mitzvah. So it's not an option then to change the subject in that situation. The person speaking and they can't leave. So option number three might not be available either in that situation would be to get up and walk out of the room or to leave. And so sometimes that's an option. But if a person's sitting at, let's say at a Simcha and their father's giving a speech and there's Lush and Hara, so they can't, it's very disrespectful to get up and walk out of the room. You're at somebody's Shabbos table, you're at a meeting, you're someplace where you really can't physically get up and exit. So the fourth best option then is to not physically leave but sort of like mentally leave or be in a situation where a person is not paying attention and is not listening to the Lush and Hara. And sometimes a person can do that. Certainly if it's a speech, probably some people are not listening either. A person could start going over their yantive menu in their head and just make a conscious effort to not pay attention. And while they might be hearing the Lush and Hara, they're not listening to the Lush and Hara. Think of Mara and Kasubo says, why is a person's whole ear stiff but the ear lobe is soft? And the answer so that a person, when he hears improper words, he can bend his ear lobe and put it into his ear. So even though a person might be in a situation where there's speech going on around them and they can't physically remove themselves and they can't change what the speakers are saying, they themselves can try not to listen and try to avoid hearing what somebody's saying. And by the way, this happens sometimes even when a person who is speaking is allowed to be saying the thing they're allowed to say. We talked about this, that sometimes a person is allowed to be saying the Lush and Hara but the listener's not allowed to listen. So maybe that would be a situation where there's two people talking about a shidah and the person is allowed to be telling the speaker, the listener, the listener is allowed to be listening but there's the third person there who maybe shouldn't be privy to that information. And that person who doesn't want to listen, assuming that they can't get up and walk out, what they could do is just try really to not pay attention to the conversation. And people do have the ability to space out some people better than others and to really not pay attention. Unfortunately, sometimes we have a situation where somebody says, did you hear what I said? Were you paying attention? And the person says, oh gosh, no, I'm sorry, can you repeat yourself? I totally spaced out. So that's kind of rude sometimes but you could also sometimes use that ability if a person is able to do that to the benefit of really trying to not pay attention and to not listen in a situation where there's a Lush and Hara going on and the person can't exit themselves from the situation. Anyways, that's it for today. Thank you all so much for listening. Have a wonderful day everybody with us, myself. I'll meet you back here tomorrow.

Hello, everybody. Welcome. Thank you so much for joining me today. It is Thursday, the 21st Day of El. Today, we are talking about the fifth best option of what a person should do when they hear Lushanara, and we're actually going to raise the stakes a little bit today. So we've been talking about what to do in the listener position of Lushanara, and we've talked about options one through four, going from best to worst, of what a person should do when they're in a situation where somebody is speaking Lushanara to them. So just to quickly review one through four, one is to tell people what they're saying is Lushanara. Option number two is to change the subject. Option number three is to get up and walk out. Option number four is to just space out, not pay attention, try not to listen, even though one might be hearing Lushanara. Now, option number five is when a person is listening and does hear the Lushanara, and it could be a one-on-one situation where a person can't do any of the other options. Maybe they're talking to their mother-in-law, and they just, for whatever reason, can't contradict or leave the situation and can't not respond to the conversation or they're trapped in a room somewhere and they hear the Lushanara. So we've spent a lot of time talking about the fact that a person is not supposed to accept this fact that the Lushanara's true if they wind up hearing Lushanara. And so there's actually a three-part process to this, which we did not discuss yet. And so the first part is just that resolution in one's mind when they hear Lushanara that even though I'm in a situation where I cannot avoid hearing what I'm hearing, I resolve to not accept this fact that it's true. And that's the first part of this. The second step, and this is so fascinating, is that if a person hears Lushanara, they also, aside from resolving not to accept that it is fact that it's true, they should be upset that they were forced to listen to Lushanara. So it's always so interesting when we're mandated into an emotional state. And so I don't think this is something that happens automatically where a person can just turn this on and off. I could decide that I'm upset. I'm not like just, oh my gosh, okay, I didn't want to hear the Lushanara, but now I do. It's really juicy gossip. Like that isn't something that happens automatically. It's something that happens with a lot of consistent effort and work in not speaking Lushanara. And the more a person gets into the habit of not speaking Lushanara, they start to appreciate that their speech is on a different level. They're just kind of used to like a different diet, I guess. And so then when they are forced, let's say, to partake in something that they don't usually partake in it, so they realize how bad it is for them. And they're kind of upset that they were forced into that situation. And so that displeasure is something, I don't think it's something that a person could fake, but I think it's something that will automatically happen. The more a person dedicates themselves to not hearing Lushanara, but trying to access that emotion certainly is something that a person can do. And realizing that maybe they should feel upset and trying to feel like, what would that feel like if I was, you know, really upset that I didn't hear that emotion? Those are some techniques and tools that a person can use to get themselves ultimately at some point into that emotional state when they're forced to hear Lushanara. So again, the three part process of once a person is hearing Lushanara is to not accept this fact that it's true, be upset that a person heard the Lushanara, right? So have displeasure about that. And then the third thing as part of this, you know, forced to hear Lushanara fifth best option is to not indicate with a smile or body language that they approve in any way of that Lushanara because that's actually participating in the Lushanara in a nonverbal way, but still indicates not just that a person is hearing it, but also the acceptance, which we don't want to do in this fifth best option. We don't want to accept this fact that the Lushanara is true. Anyways, that's it for today. Thank you all so much for listening. Have a wonderful day, everybody. With Hashem's help, I will meet you back here tomorrow.

Hello everybody, welcome. Thank you so much for joining me today. It is Friday, the 22nd day of L. Today we're talking about what to do before the fact. So we've been talking about being in the listener position with regards to Sush and Haran. We talked about so many different strategies and so many different things that we need to be aware of and do and not be macabre, not accept this fact that it's true. And there's a step that happens before we even find ourselves in that situation of being listener. This is actually gonna be the last clip where we're gonna talk about the subject, remember since I'm on Monday, we're gonna start talking about the laws of Lush and Haran, let's tell us. And I will take a break actually on a start so we can do something special for that week. But we're gonna finish up the subject today with this clip, which is even before we find ourselves in a position of hearing Lush and Haran and having to scramble and figure out what to do and how to navigate the situation. There are decisions that we've made, not all of them in our control, but some of them that are where those decisions put us into that situation beforehand. Big decisions and small decisions. So big decisions could be something as big as what community am I choosing to move to? What school am I sending my kids to? What block am I living on even within a community? I got a call once from a girl who was looking at apartments, a young co-wife, and she said that there was an apartment that they found which was an amazing apartment. But the crowd who lived in that building, she wasn't sure if they were such a good influence. Just the things that they talked about and the social pressure that she would be under would be a little bit challenging. There was another apartment that they found which was not nearly as nice, but it was with a very good crowd of people. And so she really felt very torn. Obviously, we can relate to the challenge. We're always looking for a nicer house, a bigger house, a better house, a cheaper house, and these are the factors that go into our decision. But really, what crowd of people am I gonna be living with is just the most important factor that a person can really think about with regards to these decisions. And she actually did wind up taking the smaller apartment, but with the better crowd of people. And I think probably she's very happy with that decision. So we make these big decisions and we put ourselves in situations that are very challenging to navigate. We also make small decisions. So just thinking about who we're standing around after she was speaking to, going to lunch with friends, doing certain things we're putting ourselves in challenging situations where there's lush and horror can hopefully prevent having to deal with a lot of the challenges that we've been discussing these last few weeks. Now, of course, not all of these decisions are in our control. You personally could have bought a house in good faith thinking that they lived on a great block and then two people moved onto the block that changed the whole dynamic and then a person finds themselves in a really tricky situation. You can't avoid every situation. You can't run away from your family and you can't avoid family simchas and you can't avoid going to certain places for yantif always. So not every decision is within our control, but certainly a lot of them are in our control that we don't always make with the intention of who am I putting myself in the influence of and what is the crowd going to be like and what challenges, what social challenges or religious challenges, what lush and horror challenges for the sake of this clip, am I going to be facing when I make this decision about, let's say, which job to take or which show to join or who my friends are and so on and so forth. I'm sure you can think of a lot of other examples of the decisions that we make that really have such far-reaching consequences that, like I said, we don't always see in the moment, but sometimes we do and we should, you know, as much as we can factor that into these decisions that we're making and hopefully we'll find ourselves in places where we don't have to navigate lush and horror quite so much. Anyways, that's it for today. Have a great day. Have a wonderful Shabbos with Hashem Salab. I will meet you back here next week.

Hello everybody, welcome. Thank you so much for joining me today. It is Monday the 24th day of Elah. I hope you all had a beautiful Shabbos. Today we are going to start talking about the halachos of speaking LaShunhara, LaTowelah. It's not just LaShunhara, LaTowelahs, but also Rechilus, LaTowelahs. And this is a huge area of the halachos of LaShunhara, and I think probably the most important thing that a person needs to know about. But the way that I used to think about it is that one person is not allowed to speak LaShunhara, a person is not allowed to speak Rechilus, but there's exceptions for when it's for a constructive purpose. And I'll talk about what a constructive purpose means in a minute. But I think actually a more helpful way to look at it is actually the opposite way, which is that the Torah only forbids us for speaking negative and derogatory speech that doesn't have a purpose. And sometimes we think about the laws of Towelahs as sort of like an exception or as, you know, maybe normally I'm not allowed to speak LaShunhara, but there's here a loophole where I'm allowed to say something negative. And I always say when it comes to Towelahs and we'll go through all the halachos and you'll see it's not that a person is allowed to or has a free pass to speak LaShunhara, but rather as part of our obligation to help our fellow Jew, we're obligated to say certain things. And the Pasek where we learn the halachos of not speaking LaShunhara, the Pasek says, don't go as a peddler of gossip amongst your people. Don't stand idly by while your neighbor's blood is being shed. So there's two meanings that one is that we need to realize that LaShunhara actually can cause so much harm up to and including bloodshed. The other meaning is that a person's allowed to speak LaShunhara, but they're also not allowed to stand by and not say something when saying something is going to protect somebody from being harmed. And so the truth is is that we're allowed to speak and we're allowed to help people and protect people. We're just not allowed to say something that is derogatory or that's negative, that's not constructive in any way. And so I think it makes it feel a little bit less restrictive in the way that we speak when we recognize that the purpose of our speech is to create positivity in this world and not negativity. And constructive has all sorts of definitions. What does constructive speech even mean? It could be, obviously, if a person wants to solicit information and they need to let's say find out about a shura or they're thinking about hiring somebody, it's for a business person. For the person who's maybe not asking questions, but is proactively speaking. So they're warning somebody else, again, something that might cause them harm. Again, it could be a shura, it could be a business type of thing. It could be somebody sending their kid to a camp or a yeshiva. Sometimes we're talking about helping a victim when we're talking about constructive speech. And so then the person who's talking to that person obviously is going to be finding out negative information about somebody else. Sometimes it could be warning somebody, advising somebody. It could even be publicizing a wrongdoing of some kind that sometimes also is constructive. We're going to get into all these things. But I think just understanding the word constructive means, first of all, that we're helping somebody else or maybe even ourselves. And it also means that there's a positive purpose to our speech, which may be involved in somehow maligning somebody else. But it's not like, well, I have to speak Lashonahar, no, rather it's obligated. I'm sorry, I'm obligated in this case to say this negative thing, and we're going to start to get into all those halachos. Anyways, that's it for today. Thank you all so much for listening. Have a wonderful day everybody with Hashem's help. I'll meet you back here tomorrow.

Hello everybody, welcome. Thank you so much for joining me today. It is Tuesday, this 26th day of El. Apologies I got the date wrong yesterday. Today we are talking about Leshenhara-Lito-LS, and there are seven conditions that need to be met before a person speaks Leshenhara for a constructive purpose. Five conditions for Achilles-Lito-LS will get into the differences and why those are there down the road. And actually, we're going to get into the conditions themselves down the road. First, there are some other things that I want to talk about with regards to Leshenhara-Lito-LS. And the first is that, assuming that all those conditions are met, and this could be whether or not the person is asking or not asking. So let's say you have somebody who is involved in a shirah, or you have somebody who has an employee, and you know something about that employee, you know something about that shirah. And the person doesn't know any of this stuff, and they're not necessarily asking, you're not on the resume, or they haven't come over to you and said, hey, I know you know this guy who works for me. You happen to know something about this person, let's say in the case of the employee. Maybe you know that they're somewhat dishonest, and the person who's hired that employee is totally unaware. They didn't ask for your input, but you have this information and it meets all the conditions. You might be obligated in that case to go ahead and tell that person and be proactive about that information. I said might be just because obviously I don't want anybody to take this clip as a sack of any kind. And if you're actually in the situation where you have information that you think somebody needs to know, so then please ask a shilah and ask for guidance about what to say and how to say it. And this applies to everybody, so there's nobody who's off the hook with this. So let's say you know something about somebody who's part of a, I don't know, vulnerable population. So we're talking about maybe the constructive lesson here is about a widow or an orphan, or it could be it's about a relative, it could even be about somebody's parents or their Rebbe. It doesn't really matter because now it's constructive, the conditions are met, and the person who is being harmed or potentially harmed needs to be warned about it. And so this could be something like let's say somebody's involved in a shilah. And they didn't ask you, you're not on the resume. You have information and obviously like I said, this is something that you'd want to go and ask specific guidance about when it comes to Shadduchem especially, there is some information, there are some types of negative details that kind of fit into a category of information that if you know about it, you have to be proactive about it. There's other types of information for Shadduchem might be, it could be negative and if somebody straight out asks you'd be obligated to tell them, but you're not necessarily obligated to be proactive about it. So, you know, again, please ask a shilah about this, but assuming that the conditions are met, a person would be obligated and again, it doesn't matter who it's about to go ahead and tell that information. And by the way, the opposite is also true, meaning if the conditions are not met, even if the person's asking for information, then the person's not allowed to say. So, the conditions have to be met, we'll get into all of those down the road, but just to sort of set up before we even go there to those conditions of what we're dealing with and how to operate within the confines of the halacha when a person is in possession of information that could protect somebody from harm or could help somebody. Anyways, that's it for today. Thank you all so much for listening. Have a wonderful day, everybody with Hashem's help. I will meet you back here tomorrow.