LIFE-CHANGING Workshop: Creating Emotional Safety & Intimacy in Marriage

What’s said in this shiur

The opening of this shiur, in Rabbi YY Jacobson’s own words— taken from the captions, so names and Hebrew terms may be approximate.

are all attachment words. There's something else that we want. >> Independence. Purpose. >> Independence. Somebody said independence. I want to be me, right? The the two most powerful human emotional needs in terms of and this this is coming out of attachment theory. This is coming out of John Bulby. We want to be connected. We we deeply want to be connected. We want to be loved. But we also we also want to be ourselves. We want to be an authentic expression of me. So I'm going to use the word So I'm going to use the word I'm going to use the words connection and [snorts] authenticity. Instead of connection, we could use the word love, attachment, a lot of different words that I used. And instead of authenticity, I could use the word independence, me. Um, let's just use the word authenticity, but I think it really captures what it means to be me. An authentic expression of who I am and connection. Now let's just define connected. They mean to be connected to other human beings. To love and be loved, right? Somebody said the word love. To be cared Somebody said the word love. To be cared for. To feel safe. To feel secure. Those all go under the heading of of of connection. To belong. To be able to depend on others. And then there's authenticity. The need to be me. I think that the best way to say it is just I need to be me. I want to be me. to be an authentic expression of myself, to have freedom, to be independent, to be autonomous, to create as an expression of myself, to expand myself. Those are all things that have to do with me. They don't have to do with connection.

Jump to a moment

1. 0:32are all attachment words. There's something else that we want. >> Independence. Purpose. >> Independence. Somebody…
2. 6:10Authenticity requires connection. The baby's not going to run off until he feels connected. And by…
3. 12:14connection is out the window. It's not happening. Or or it's happening in a lukewarm place,…
4. 18:25what happened. Now, we're authentic. If we handle this conflict okay and allow it to be…
5. 24:33if somebody says, "I want to dress a certain way because that's me. That's my authentic…
6. 30:41do it. It's amazing. There's another kind of immovat which is fine fine. Fine. Fine. Okay.…
7. 36:47do and that's again the the practicalities of life everything I'm saying here needs to go…
8. 42:59I I I cannot show up at work as a as a scared lonely child. I…
9. 49:06that's out there today. There's there's a there's a yearning for for emotional connection, for emotional…
10. 55:19the most men I I underline the word most over here because the masculine and feminine…

About Rabbi YY Jacobson on Lehallel

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