CHINUCH IN OUR GENERATION (464)

What’s said in this shiur

The opening of this shiur, in Avi Fishoff — TWiSTED Parenting’s own words — taken from the captions, so names and Hebrew terms may be approximate.

[Music] So there's a big misunderstanding which I want to clarify. People think that there's two basic ways of raising children, right? Even regular kids and especially challenged kids. One way is that it's tough love and its consequences. You teach your kids how to behave. You show them right for wrong. It's not a heftt. You tell them it's bedtime and you have to brush your teeth and you punish them if they don't do well. And then you have a normal happy family with kids who are going to be family with kids who are going to be successful adults. Then there's this crazy people, right? They probably like yoga and and holistic and they eat only vegetables. And they say a new thing called unconditional love. And unconditional love means you don't tell your kids anything. You say, "You want to take a bath?" "No." "Okay, your 5-year-old doesn't take a bath. You want to brush your teeth?" "Oh, you didn't brush your teeth. That's fine. I love you anyway." And you don't tell your kids what to do. You don't teach them. You don't give them direction. And you certainly don't punish them because I certainly don't punish them because I love you and you shower them with love. That's what people think. It's bal not you have to have a family and you teach your kids your kids and you teach them you have to take a bath and you have to do this. And I said no. And this the question is only when they mess up how to deal with them. Not when they don't mess up. Most of the kids are going to listen to normal kids are going to listen to most of the rules most of the time. Right? If you have 10 kids, most of 80% of the time they're going to

Jump to a moment

1. 0:00[Music] So there's a big misunderstanding which I want to clarify. People think that there's two…
2. 2:01understanding. It's not you don't have a bedtime. You could do whatever you want. It's not…
3. 4:35you're nice, push it, nice, nice to the struggling the shamus, then when the whole struggle…
4. 6:38a long time ago said it in the 80s everybody from the ziknadb said it 40…
5. 9:13broken they are. That's one of the perks of my job. I don't know how I…
6. 11:51but once you hit you become wrong why do you want to become wrong no patching…
7. 13:55to fix the problem. Why does someone struggle in yeshiva? Cuz he has issues. He has…
8. 16:28nephew. That's a big challenge to people who don't have patience. It's a big challenge to…
9. 18:33we have kids who are damaged because when they were 8 years old they were acting…
10. 21:07do. We love you. Unconditional love is how to successfully bring the children to be interested…

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