The Yanuka Rav Shlomo Yehuda-＂אני לא רוצה להיות קיים – רק שהשם יתברך יתגלה＂ מסר מטלטל מהגאון הינוקא ביום הולדתו

3:55 I wish you all the blessings and all the good bounty. It is a joy to see you. Baruch Hashem, we meet throughout the year and gather together in Torah, in tefillah, in every problem, and we wait, and ask Hashem to take us out of the exile.

4:24 Truly, a birthday that the world celebrates — that is the mistake, the biggest one there is. Of course, baruch Hashem, on this day I have several siyumim. So the joy is over the completion of the Torah, and several siyumim that, each time, on my birthday, I merit every time to bring this gift, so that there is never a joy for nothing. And also responsibility — a birthday is responsibility.

4:52 I say all the time: a birthday is the Day of Judgment. A person's birthday is the day of trial. On that day the person is judged and tried: Why did you come to this world? What did you do in the world? What is the purpose you came for? We know that... in Tractate Eruvin, page 13, the Gemara says: "They took a count and concluded that it would have been better for him not to have been created than to have been created."

5:22 So of course it would have been better if a person had not been created. Because of the damage and the blemishes he would cause — that he causes some damage and destruction — and if he had not existed, then perhaps there would be less, one less who damages and destroys, before Hashem, His field and His trees.

5:48 In Tractate Sanhedrin, page 31, the Gemara says that a person must say: "The whole world was created only for me." That a person must see how he watches over and tends the world, and how he changes the world from one extreme to the other. Often we look and think — everyone struggles, and looks at the heavens every day, and understands that every day is a responsibility.

6:24 I — when I look at the sun and the moon every day, I lift my eyes to the heavens, and I have a very great brokenness of heart. True, on the one hand you see me on the outside, and I strengthen you and teach you, and baruch Hashem I give everyone a hand, and everything — but inside the heart I have a very, very broken heart, that still the true revelation of the kingship of Hashem, and His way, still has not yet spread in the world.

7:01 When I lift my eyes to the heavens, I have a contemplation that is different, entirely, from what the world thinks. And then I look at the earth, and I see the creatures going about and not understanding at all — walking around here — that there is a great G-d in heaven. And you know, I am always saying — I will give you a parable and its lesson. Everyone has heard of this creature that is in the sea, the great fish, the great whale, a great shark that is in the sea — you have heard of the great white, the king of the sea, the most frightening creature, the most monstrous, the most terrible there is, that lives in the water.

7:49 And you see, you know, there, abroad, all through the ocean there — three or four meters into the water, and it is already roaming there in the water; anyone who goes in is simply knowingly taking his own life. It devours; and a shark in itself does not devour. There are several kinds of sharks: the bull shark, the tiger shark, the hammerhead shark, the tiger shark — all kinds of sharks.

8:18 There is the blue shark, there is the great white. There is the megalodon, which lived many years ago. Today, in the ocean, in the sea, there are about — maybe one or two megalodons that exist today. People think they died out; that is not true. There is one that exists today, that roams in the depths of the sea — that means a shark 30 meters in size.

8:45 Its size is about 30 meters from end to end; it is in the ocean. Maybe someday they will discover it, they will talk about it, maybe someday they will see it — then they will surely make a great noise about it, that they found it. But it exists. And this great white, this creature — its size today is 9 meters, 10 meters, and it casts terror on everyone who enters the sea.

9:13 And why am I explaining to you about the sea as well? You know — before I explain to you what I wanted to — all the creatures today, who sin or transgress or defile — they defile the land. The place where we dwell is the place of the creatures, but the great sea — no one defiles it. The sea has stayed as it should be, in its purity; the sea has stayed pure and clear and clean, because the creatures do not live there.

9:45 Rabbi Yitzchak [unclear] Safrin of Komarno writes — "the air of the sea" — so he writes, in these words: "The air of the sea is pure, pure." He wrote "pure" twice. It is the purest air in the world. It is the air where human beings did not sin, did not transgress, did not do any sin, did not do any destruction. This place has stayed pure, holy, no transgression, no sin — and no creature can survive there.

10:13 It is the territory of the One who created the world. The dry land He gave to us, the creatures, but the sea He kept. "You set a boundary they shall not pass; they shall not return to cover the earth." When, in fact, there was the Prince of the Sea, at the beginning of creation — when the Holy One, blessed be He, created the world, He made the condition with him, that "the sea returned to its strength" — it returned to its condition.

10:38 And then, in fact, the Holy One, blessed be He, kicked him and killed him — the whole story is known — and then the Holy One, blessed be He, Himself became the Prince of the Sea. And He Himself is the Prince of the Sea. Everything in the world has a prince, but of the sea, the Holy One, blessed be He, is the Prince — as you see with Titus, who went out onto the sea, and the sea began to rage, and then he said, "Your power is in the sea" — and then he went up onto dry land, and He sent a small gnat into him.

11:04 And as you find with Yonah the prophet: "And Hashem hurled a great storm wind upon the sea, and the ship was about to be broken." That Hashem, blessed be He, hurled a storm wind, and it began to toss the sea. And of course you see that the Holy One, blessed be He, is revealed in the sea — the might that there is in the sea, the creatures, everything there is in the sea — no one knows. It is the place that is the most terrible and the most frightening in the world.

11:30 So now, this is the parable and its lesson. Now picture a man who is standing over this sea — yes, in a ship, in the heart of the sea. He is in a ship in the heart of the sea, in the middle of this whole great, frightening ocean, and in this ocean there are many, many kinds of these sharks — not one or two; it is full of them — and this megalodon, and all the beasts of prey that are in the water.

12:01 And a man stands on the ship and he does not see them; he sees only sea, surging like this, and someone throws himself into the water, because he does not know. He says, "There is nothing. I see only sea." He sees only blue; he sees nothing, nothing at all. "I see blue, I jump, nothing happens." Anyone who has a little sense knows what comes next, after he jumps into the sea — what is waiting for him inside.

12:33 The parable and its lesson is that people see the sea, but what is inside the sea, people do not see. And the contemplation is that I look a little at what is inside the sea; I know a little of what is inside the sea. That is why my contemplation, and my fear of Hashem, is very, very great.

13:00 And because of this I lift my eyes to the heavens all the time and wait — because I know what is in the sea. That this is no joke, and not as the world thinks — they look at this world as a free-for-all and do whatever they want. Throughout the whole year I see all kinds of cases and all kinds of troubles that people tell me — troubles; I can hear one story and I am simply in great pain throughout the day.

13:30 Or sometimes on Shabbos night, after the whole week gathers up, all the stories, I come to Kiddush, and I simply lift my eyes to the heavens and cry to Hashem, blessed be He, that He save these Jews who came to me, and I say: "If You, Hashem, blessed be He, brought it about that I should hear these troubles —" Baruch Hashem — you know, it is already not one year, and not two, and not five, and not ten; already from the age of seventeen — from the age of seventeen I was already raising students, students, baruch Hashem.

14:06 And truly, I managed to build this alone — not because of some standing, not because of some father who is a Rebbe, and not from anything special. I come from a simple family — and the toil, and the effort, and the learning. And all I wanted, always, was only Hashem, blessed be He. My whole path, my whole outlook, all my learning, my whole view is: not to exist, but to give the Creator the revelation of His place, as He wants.

14:45 And we need to feel like guests in this world. And then, when one clears the place for the Creator and reveals the glory of the King who fills the whole earth — we say, "Holy, holy, holy is Hashem; the whole earth is full of His glory" — then one clears away everything there is in the world, and then the Creator is exalted and extolled and praised. Because the kingship of Hashem — which the world does not understand — the very fact that there is any presidency in the world today, and any kingdom that exists in the world today, from one end of the world to the other, any kingdom, any one who holds authority, or anything else, through which there is no honor and exaltation for Him who spoke and the world came into being — there is a blemish in the honor of the Holy One, blessed be He.

15:32 And the world does not understand this. They do not understand, in fact, that the whole world goes to sleep and gets up again and carries on — to more business, to more livelihood, to another trip, to more matters like these. The world goes round and round like a wheel, but no one understands what will be when he leaves this world, what he is leaving this world for. Could it enter the mind that all we came to this world for is to be a trader in this or that currency, and to go after this or that thing, or to go and eat here, or to go on a trip here, or to go to this or that place?

16:10 It does not enter the mind that this is the purpose. It cannot be that such a great creation, and such a vast world, and such a sophisticated creation, down to the finest details, with such precision that it is beyond anything one can imagine — when you see the creation of Hashem, you understand that there is a great, noble King who rules over all this creation and truly leads all this creation with such Hashgachah, individual and exact — and He wants His throne and His honor.

16:40 But each of the creatures — this one goes after his own honor, and this one goes after his own throne, and this rabbi wants the kingship, and this rabbi wants Chassidim, and he wants money, and everyone wants lots and lots and lots of self-interest; everyone is looking for his own interests. And I, always — my dream was that I would not exist. I am not looking — not to exist at all before Hashem; that there be only Hashem, blessed be He — alone, alone, alone, alone. All the time I picture it; I have thoughts, I picture all the time the glory of Hashem, how the Holy One, blessed be He, fills the whole earth. And I had all kinds of dreams.

17:21 Dreams — I have all kinds of dreams; a small booklet that I wrote, which is all kinds of dreams that I dreamed, all kinds of special dreams that I dreamed. I will tell you one beautiful dream, so that you see a good dream, and that way you too will dream these dreams. It will bring you the illumination of thought. I once dreamed that I am standing like this, and I see something like the heavens, and I truly see tens of thousands, beyond measure, of lions — lots and lots of lions, lions going from side to side, roaring the Name Havayah; fire comes out of their mouths and they run, and now I am fleeing from them.

17:59 I see them like this, and they roar the Name Havayah, fire coming out of them; I truly see fire, and I hear their roar, as they roar the Name of Hashem. And so they roar, and so I flee, and I see the heavens and the fire. And so, all the time, I think all kinds of thoughts like these about Hashem, blessed be He. All the time I am afraid of being cut off from Him, and all the time I am afraid that He will leave me, and I am very dependent on Him. All the time I — all the time I lift my eyes to the heavens. That is why I teach everyone all the time, I tell everyone to lift their eyes to the heavens [unclear] — always I pray to Hashem that He direct me. And also

18:34 on this day, when a birthday is held, I say: the only birthday that was celebrated in the Torah is Pharaoh's birthday. Only Pharaoh's birthday is mentioned in the Torah; no other birthday is mentioned. So I said: one can learn from this — that once they used to do — what the Yerushalmi, in Rosh Hashanah, chapter 3, halachah 8 — the Yerushalmi says there, in the name of Rabbi [unclear], that Amalek was a sorcerer: there he would station each man on his own birthday, and that's what he would do. And so he said to him: "Go out, fight Amalek — tomorrow."

19:06 because that would mix up all his birthdays. He would take everyone who had a birthday and station him to go out to war — Amalek — and that's how he would win. And what Hashem, blessed be He, actually did through Moshe Rabbeinu and Yehoshua, the great leaders, the fighters He bequeathed to us through all the generations, who had such knowledge of Hashem and of the word of Hashem — the power of Moshe Rabbeinu, the power of Yehoshua, the revelation that Hashem, blessed be He, bequeathed — for only Yehoshua could bring the Jewish people into the Land of Israel — and so he told him: "Go out, fight — tomorrow."

19:40 "Tomorrow" — that mixed up everything he had planned for today. Today he took all the birthdays; tomorrow I cancel all his birthdays, and then he would never know — he won't have the second mazal. That's why they cannot win the war. That is how one could see the greatness of a birthday. So when I look, and I reflect, I say: truly, as for joy — there is no joy in the world at all, only responsibility, for everyone who has a birthday. Let everyone know: if you have a birthday, it is the day of judgment, it is the day of justice, it is Rosh Hashanah.

20:12 One simply has to stand and look at the heavens: What was I created for? What can I do better? How can I change more? How can I do better? Maybe I hurt someone, maybe I caused someone pain, maybe something. And I, too, do teshuvah before you; I ask forgiveness and pardon if I did not treat someone with respect, if I didn't hear someone, if I couldn't lend an ear — even though, I say, that I am careful about this every day, all day long, and I try not to send anyone away empty-handed.

20:43 I try very, very, very hard; I take pains over it. So I say: in any case, forgive me too. This is a time to ask your forgiveness, as I bless you with all the blessings and with all the bounty of the Torah teachings, that we should always lift our eyes to the heavens, to Hashem, blessed be He. You know, I once said that King David says: "The heavens tell the glory of G-d."

21:10 When we look at "the heavens," we see expressions that are very puzzling: "Give ear, O heavens, and I will speak, and let the earth hear the words of my mouth." "Give ear, O heavens" — as if the heavens have ears. On the one hand it says "The heavens tell the glory of G-d" — what, do they have a mouth? So how is that the wording? Since when do the heavens have — have ears, that they should give ear? And since when do the heavens have a mouth, that they "tell"?

21:38 So the whole reflection that Moshe Rabbeinu teaches us is that if a person truly gazes at the heavens, and he has a drop of understanding, he looks at the heavens and understands that there is Someone who simply sees him. He can look at the heavens, simply, and he sees that there is Someone who sees him — Someone simply sees him and is looking at him.

22:03 All of the heavens are the eyes of Hashem. One simply looks at the heavens, and He sees him. Rabbi Aharon Roth writes that if a person has a foreign thought, or thoughts of sin, Heaven forbid, he should go out at once under the open sky, and it will be nullified from him at once, on the spot. That's what he says — it's a wonder. He goes inside, he may have foreign thoughts; he goes out under the open sky — it is nullified from him. All the foreign thoughts — everything is nullified, just by going out under the open sky.

22:30 Look at the sukkah, when we make the sukkah. When do we make the sukkah? On Sukkos. Right away all the festivals begin, all the seasons, all the appointed times of the Jewish people — Simchas Torah, and Pesach, and Shavuos. We begin with Sukkos, right after Rosh Hashanah. But we fulfill the mitzvah of sukkah under the open sky. We look at the heavens; the stars have to be seen.

22:55 One has to see through the s'chach — through the s'chach, to see the heavens. Because the whole purpose of the Jewish people, through all the years, all the seasons, is only emunah. Look: on Pesach we have the matzos that we eat — nahama d'asvasa, the bread of healing. All the festivals, and what Hashem, blessed be He, gave us. Look — Purim: the joy and the emunah in Hashem, Megillas Esther. Chanukah: "these lights we kindle." All the time, Hashem showed us that He is always with us, that He is simply here with us.

23:30 But over the generations, and over time, they caused us to lower our eyes downward, to look at our hands, to think: "My hands brought me a livelihood; my mind brought me a livelihood, brought me standing; my strength — something in me. I have mazal, there is something in me." The true reflection is: There is nothing in me. Nothing brought me anywhere.

23:57 Only Hashem is the One who gave me a mind, gave something good, or a good point — and only Hashem, blessed be He, alone. So a person has no praise in the world at all. And the moment we understand that a person in this world deserves no commendation and no praise, because all the honor and the crown belong to Hashem — then what happens?

24:22 That we truly — why does the world — there are several aspects: in fact we always love wise men, love tzaddikim, and praise, and do good things for those who truly are vessels for the light of Hashem. The honor and the light go up to the Creator, blessed be He; they go up only to Hashem, blessed be He. They do not stay here in the world. But when they praise and lend a hand to people who are not holy, and to people who are not upright, then the honor and the kingship stay on the earth.

24:56 They do not return to Hashem, blessed be He. So when we recite "Lift up your heads, O gates, and be lifted up, you everlasting doors, that the King of glory may come in. Who is this King of glory? Hashem, strong and mighty" — we extol and praise only the Holy One, blessed be He. We know that the honor and the greatness were given only to the supreme King. You know, I so much, so much tell you — everyone says "there is Hashem," people believe in Him — He is really — it is unbelievable, the revelation of Hashem, blessed be He.

25:29 It is such a revelation, so great. You know, I used to pray in my synagogue when I was young, after my bar mitzvah. I used to pray there in the synagogue; there was a Yemenite Mori there, a wise man, a tzaddik. When I prayed there in the synagogue, I would always linger there and stay very late, and then he would want to close the synagogue already. That's how it was. I remember, one time I was very hurt, but afterwards I was very happy.

25:58 He said a certain sentence to me that hurt me very much, but afterwards I was happy. He sort of laughed at me, when I came — we came there — I came on some Shabbos eve, I remember, some Thursday or something like that, I don't remember — and he said: "Here is the boy who wants to go up to Heaven." That's what they said: "He wants to go up to Heaven." I was so — never wanting to leave Hashem, blessed be He, never wanting to be parted from the One.

26:29 Always looking [unclear]. When you understand the greatness of Hashem, and you know that there is Hashem, and you look at the heavens, you know that you feel the Holy One, blessed be He — and one has to live here in the world the way it was with our forefathers. You know, right now you are looking at the lights, looking at the electricity, looking at the flowers, at the candles, at all the technology — it feels to us as if we are in some new, modern reality, as if this is something new.

27:03 "Here Hashem cannot appear; here Hashem — not here." But if we were in the desert right now, we would be with the stars, and we would be dressed in clothes — old ones, like our forefathers' — if for just a month we were walking in worn-out clothes, and looking around in the desert, and eating out of earthenware jars, and at night hearing the silence, and lifting our eyes to the heavens and seeing stars — everyone would suddenly feel the Creator. He would look at the heavens and say: "Wow — here is Hashem!

27:34 What does Hashem want from us?" He would speak with Hashem: "How much longer, this exile? How much longer, this distance?" Everyone would lift his eyes to the heavens like this and would look at creation differently. But the covering and the concealment — the way they show us this world here — they show us, as it were, a world so full of fog. So that is why I say: if not everyone merits to reflect like this, then you can rely on me — that I live in the desert; this is how I see — when you receive the Torah from me, when you receive the blessings from me.

28:07 I bring it to you from the place where I am, so that you will come as close as possible to Hashem, blessed be He. My whole purpose, everything I am here for, everything I want, is truly to hand down to you a path that is paved, straight, holy. And with Hashem's help — I always say that I haven't started yet, or, we haven't started anything yet.

28:36 With Hashem's help we still have so, so many things to taste, and so, so many more joys, and so many wonderful things that you will taste, and more of the inner depth of the Torah, and many more secrets of the Torah, and many new Torah insights, and many more treasures that are hidden away in the Torah of our G-d, in the Creator, blessed be He, in Hashem, blessed be He, who redeemed us and redeems us and has not forsaken us, and will not abandon us, and will not forget the covenant of our forefathers.

29:03 May we always give praise to the great Name of the King of kings, the Holy One, blessed be He — may the Name of the King of kings, the Holy One, blessed be He, be exalted and praised; may the Holy One, blessed be He, have satisfaction — the holy G-d, the holy King — and may we always praise His Name, that all will testify and declare as one that Hashem is One and His Name is One. When we speak about a king — you know, everyone says "king, king, king."

29:28 They say: this one is close to such-and-such a minister, and he is close to such-and-such a president, and this one is close to a king and to a president, or to some magnate, or to some rich man. If it is about being close — we are the only people that is close to the King, the King of kings. All the kings you see here in the world — that is not even a toy, nor the honor, of a king as there once was.

29:54 The kings there once were, were truly kings. Today we do not see kings, so we have not merited to see what kingship is. All the kingship we see today — it's nice. We have not truly seen kingship. There is no one in the world today who has the kingship that the kings of old had. It is not the same thing at all. It is an imagined kingship. There is, as it were, honor — [unclear] we'll call it that — but it is not a kingship from which we can contemplate what true kingship is, one that exists in the world. It is honor.

30:26 There is honor. There is honor. No more than that. Kingship — there is none. There is no kingship today, none. A king that one can see — there is nothing. In terms of halachah, there are kings over whom one can say the blessing, if they have the power to put to death, to save from death; one can say the blessing. I mean, in terms of halachah, for the blessing, it is possible. But in terms of kingship, I see that that honor which kings once had is not to be found today — to see the ceremony, and the honor, and the splendor, and the garments, and the awe, and the fear that belonged to the kings who came before us.

31:04 I am even speaking of wicked and cruel kings, like Sancheriv, who was one of the cruelest kings there ever were — a king who would go with his army; they would take stuffed skins of tigers, of lions, of leopards, of wolves, and get into them and put them on themselves like suits, over the face, and that's how they would go out to fight — legions.

31:30 180 million legions he brought upon Jerusalem, upon King Chizkiyahu. King Chizkiyahu — instead of going to sleep, instead of going out to fight the army of Sancheriv, which was the most frightening army — today we see about ISIS and Ishmaelites, who carried out all kinds of pogroms — with Sancheriv, they would kill people by the harshest death; they would kill them slowly, slowly, [unclear] them into all kinds of pieces; they would throw the person away like that. Everyone who heard "the army of Sancheriv" — fear and dread would fall upon him. "The army of Sancheriv" — anything but Sancheriv.

32:03 A cruel and wicked king, whose cruelty cannot be imagined. Nevuchadnetzar — Nevuchadnetzar took Chiram, king of Tzor, and cut an olive-size piece from him every day. An olive-size piece, every day. An olive-size piece — with a knife he would take and cut from him every day. He put him in prison. Every day they would take him out. And they would put people — he had a prison, he had a big table.

32:28 It had no ground; he did not want flooring in the house. Instead of using flooring, he made a grating of a cage. All the people who are in the prison sit underneath, and he looks at them. That was Nevuchadnetzar's pleasure. He sits at the table — there is a big table — he looks, sees the prisoners, and throws them a bit of the bones, like that, throws it to them like that [unclear], and they are tied up, tied to the walls; they cannot eat, they cannot drink.

32:56 He takes some of the bones, takes some of the meat, some of what he has, and throws it at them, drops leftover food on them — they cannot touch the food, they can't — they can only see it. And that's how he sits, above all the people he had taken captive. Everyone in captivity, everyone he wanted to torment — he put him there. Chiram — whom the Holy One, blessed be He — after all, the blessing of Asher Yatzar that we say is because of the pride of Chiram, king of Tzor, who saw of himself that he did not die; he lived — the help to King Shlomo with the wood for the Beis HaMikdash, and that he was good-hearted — that, yes — and he merited long life, that he did not die.

33:35 So he grew proud. He sat in Gan Eden; he saw David already in Heaven, King Shlomo in Heaven — "everyone has passed on, and I am alive; my body is alive, here it is, and I have not died; the Angel of Death has no power over me." So of course they drove him out of Gan Eden, but as a reward they sent him here with a palace of crystal, of precious stones, a great deal of glass, which they left upon the sea.

34:00 Asher Yatzar, which we bless — the main part of the blessing of Asher Yatzar is because of the pride of Chiram. If not for the pride of Chiram — which the Holy One, blessed be He — the pride he would come to — we would not have needed to say this blessing. Because of his pride, the Holy One, blessed be He, already put in place beforehand the lowliness of man, on account of Chiram, because of the great pride he reached. For he had something to be proud about. Of course there is nothing to be proud of — but at his level it was possible, with all that he merited, and the emunah in Hashem, and so on.

34:30 And still he believed in the Holy One, blessed be He, with tremendous knowledge. He received the honor and the crown. And after that, Nebuchadnezzar sees that someone was thrown here — he didn't see him being thrown; he was passing by with his army — he sees someone with a magnificent palace of glass, of crystal, sitting in the midst of the water, by way of a miracle, simply standing within the element of water, cast into the water.

34:59 He looks and says: "Who is this man sitting in a palace, at a time when I, Nebuchadnezzar, rule over the whole world? Someone sits here, inside this palace? Bring boats, take that one down from up there, from his throne — bring him to me." The soldiers came — of course he had no powers, nothing at all; he had come down into nature — and they seized him, they bound him in chains.

35:23 He said to him — [unclear] — "Who are you? You are the king? Come and see what a king is." He put him into his dungeon, and every day he would cut an olive's size from him — an olive's size, an olive's size, an olive's size. He would leave nothing of him, sawing through his bones. So it went, until he died such a harsh death — every day they sawed an olive's size from him, until he died. Every day an olive's size. And that is also the death of Rabbi Akiva.

35:49 Rabbi Akiva — there is the tradition, the tradition of the Shas, there are the versions of the Shas and the tradition that there was — they left it out because of the censorship. There are several things — many things were left out because of the censorship in new editions, 300 years ago; it has already been in print for 200 years — the Vilna printing, the Zhitomir printing — these are printings where things had already been left out, and they were not put back. Also in the Shulchan Aruch, in the printings, in Yoreh De'ah — about "that man," the crucified one.

36:18 Also the Gemara in Sanhedrin, or all sorts of places where they left out the pages, and the order was a little different too — in the pages as well, in this as well; it is not at the same siman. So they left it out because of the censorship, because they did not want it to be seen that there is this, or something connected to the Jews — and then they would say it is something not good, and something not good could come of it. So they left it out. And as you understand, a thing like this is not something one can explain and make clear to people — what it means, someone who did all these not-good things, of these wicked ones — yes, and they were very great wicked ones. We are not coming to tell the story; I will only explain to you briefly.

37:05 May their name be blotted out — the Romans who seized Rabbi Akiva, they did not kill him the way people think, within half an hour, an hour, two hours. They combed his flesh with combs of iron from Pesach until Yom Kippur. From Pesach they put him in, take him out, comb him, heal him, give him a week or two to recover, wait for him to scab over; after he scabs over they take him out, comb him, put him back, wait for him to scab over, and again like that, for weeks — from Pesach until Yom Kippur.

37:43 That is why they said to him: "Our teacher, this far? Our teacher!" Why were they so alarmed? Why so much pain? After all, there were strange deaths of many holy ones who died, and a death like that of the Ten Martyrs — that was all at one time. They had no time to speak with him. Why were they so shaken? What shook them was seeing their Rav, from Pesach until Yom Kippur — so much time, month after month after month — being combed, being tormented, and Rabbi Akiva accepts it willingly.

38:12 Rabbi Akiva tells them that this is what he wants, that all his days he waited for this moment. This is his joy, this is his hope. Now, I always said: what is Rabbi Akiva's joy? What is this? What was he looking forward to? How did he — what is Rabbi Akiva's joy? So one can always explain it like this, in a very simple way: that really, Rabbi Akiva did not want suffering. Rabbi Akiva felt the suffering; the suffering hurt him.

38:37 But what Rabbi Akiva wanted — Rabbi Akiva wanted his blood and his understanding to be engraved in the world. And once he suffers like this, Rabbi Akiva will always be remembered, for generations. Because when people remember that Rabbi Akiva passed away in such a harsh way, then the devotion of Rabbi Akiva and the understanding of Rabbi Akiva, including the students of Rabbi Akiva — that is what will be engraved forever, for all generations.

39:05 And to this day everyone says: Rabbi Meir Baal HaNes, Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai — Rabbi Shimon was in the cave; everyone rejoices on the day of Rabbi Shimon's hilula. But there were a great many Tannaim, a great many holy ones. Rabbi Akiva is the symbol of self-sacrifice — the self-sacrifice of his Torah, the self-sacrifice of his death. And he raised up many students, and taught them and instructed them in so much Torah that you can understand how beyond measure is what Rabbi Akiva spread throughout the whole world.

39:36 All his Torah, to this day — Rabbi Shimon, Zohar, Kabbalah, our teacher the Arizal — it all begins with Rabbi Akiva, who taught the Torah of Rabbi Shimon. And everything that is spread throughout the whole world is the first power that began from Rabbi Akiva's self-sacrifice in learning Torah, and from the engraving of his [unclear], which we always remember, and say: Rabbi Akiva, Rabbi Akiva — everyone says Rabbi Akiva.

40:02 "What awe! Do you know who Rabbi Akiva was?" And then they are shaken by what happened to him, and so everyone thinks and says: "What awe — this is Rabbi Akiva." And then there is engraved in the world the awe of Rabbi Akiva, and this is what the whole world speaks of — his devotion in everything — and it is engraved in them. And what I am coming to explain to everyone is that we should always remember and know that no matter what we are going through — I know that each person has his own little box, which is the box of salvations — this is hard for him and that is hard for him; he has things weighing on his heart, and things that are — everyone has them.

40:42 There is no person here who does not have something he needs from Hashem, blessed be He. Everyone has his own problem, his hidden fear, the frightening day he is expecting — he says, "If only it won't happen." Everyone goes through some crisis, some fear, something he dreads. And I say to you: know that with the power of truth, and of prayer, and of the gaze toward the heavens, it is possible to turn over and repair this whole box.

41:15 You do not know what the power of a gaze toward the heavens is. If I could only explain what the gaze toward the heavens is — how many holy books speak about it. There is no end to the names of the books that speak only about the gaze toward the heavens. I could list for you a great many books that speak about it, and explain to you what its greatness is: the combinations, the unifications, the flows of blessing, mercy, judgments that are sweetened. Rabbi Nachman says in Sefer HaMiddos that if a person only lifts his eyes to the heavens — one who has judgments upon him, the judgments upon him are annulled.

41:48 If there is pride upon him, he annuls the pride; he repairs his flaws. Rabbi Yosef, in siman 90 — this is one of the reasons that Rabbi Yoel Sirkis, the Bayis Chadash, writes for why we have the windows. We look all the time — there is a synagogue, we see the windows. The whole meaning of the windows is that a person should gaze from the window to the heavens; he will see these heavens, "and he will return and be healed"; he will have no foreign thoughts, he will hold himself to the purpose, he will be attached at all times to the Holy One, blessed be He.

42:18 That is the most important thing in the world. The synagogue, the closeness to Hashem at all times — that he should lift his eyes on high. "I lift my eyes to the mountains — from where will my help come?" Master of the world! "Lift your eyes on high and see Who created these." Our contemplation of the creation — I, the small one, want to bless you that you succeed, and always bring me good news, and to tell you to always remember that the gaze toward the heavens is what will bring us close to the geulah; it is what brings everyone close to Hashem, blessed be He; it is what always causes me to say "Give thanks to Hashem, for He is good" — it comes from this gaze toward the heavens.

43:05 The gaze toward the heavens — there will be a miracle and a salvation. Hashem hears; Hashem, blessed be He, hears. He does not leave us, He does not abandon us — the great, mighty and awesome G-d, Who is with us in the wilderness. He did not leave us, He does not abandon us, He will not abandon us. Let us always hold ourselves to the purpose — the true, eternal one. Let us live in truth, as Hashem, blessed be He, wants, and not be broken by anything in the world.

43:30 No matter what a person has, no matter what you say — any reality, any picture, anything — we will hold on as strongly as can be. We will not be alarmed by anything, we will not be afraid of anything. Everything — always to settle oneself, always to be calm, always to handle everything with a settled mind, with thought. I bless you, with Hashem's help, that you succeed. - Amen. - May you have salvations. - Amen. - May you have more miracles and wonders.

43:56 - Amen. - May you have a good life. - Amen. - May you have much good. May you have blessing and success, may you have happiness and joy, and may you bring about all good, and of all good, before Hashem, blessed be He, and may you be glad and joyful, that each one succeed in reaching his destiny, his Tikkun, his joy, and may we merit the complete geulah, the Beis HaMikdash that will be built, that we bring the Holy One, blessed be He, nachas ruach, that we not, Heaven forbid — we came into the world — that we not have come into this world for nothing.

44:28 There is a purpose and a responsibility. Everyone who comes into the world — it is a very, very, very great responsibility. We want always to handle everything with responsibility. Each one of us who came into the world — it is a responsibility. Everyone who is here in this world has a responsibility to carry the yoke of meriting to bring the geulah. You are here in the world? Let's see you — how you turn the whole world over.

44:54 Come, bring the House for Hashem. The Imros Moshe said — the author of the Imros Moshe, [unclear] of Kobrin, may his merit protect us — he was one of the holy geonim; he was a study partner and a student of the holy Rav, the gaon of Lechovitch. And his beis midrash, in the Holocaust — when they arrived in his town, nothing happened to his beis midrash. He was one of those who were strict about the honor of Hashem, and he always spoke about the House of Hashem.

45:24 And one of the important things he said before he passed away: "The thing I am most ashamed of is that here I am about to pass away" — he said — "and I still have not seen the Beis HaMikdash. How will I go up to Heaven without having seen the House of Hashem? How will I go up to Heaven without having seen the geulah? How will I go up to Heaven without having seen Hashem's return to Zion?" That is the greatest shame of a Jew.

45:50 I say, with Hashem's help: in the power of each and every one of you — I am sure of this — you are able to believe in what Hashem gave each one of us, and never to think, never, about what the Satan wants most of all — only one thing: to darken, and to conceal from us our hidden light. The Jewish people is likened to the moon. Knesses Yisrael is the moon — "And the light of the moon shall be like the light of the sun." King David is likened to the moon.

46:20 We, the Jewish people, are likened to the moon — like the moon, which is lacking. In the middle of the month it becomes full. All the festivals of Israel — the 15th of Adar, the 15th of Adar, the 15th of Nisan — the holidays, the appointed times, the 15th of Shevat, Purim, Pesach — everything is on the 15th, the 15th. The 15th of Av — days like the 15th of Av, Yom Kippur — it is all the middle of the month — the 15th of Iyar. This comes to hint to us that we are likened to the moon.

46:48 And we are likened to the moon, and the moon is sometimes covered by clouds. Sometimes there is a heavy fog over the moon, and one cannot say the blessing over the moon. It is impossible — everything is covered with clouds; the moon cannot be seen. That is how we are: we are holy souls, we shine, but there are a great many clouds covering our soul. And that is what the Satan wants — only to cast darkness over each one, and to tell him: "Do not see the light that you shine. Do not see how great you are. Do not see that you are whole.

47:17 Do not see that you shine. Do not reach that level — because we need you always to remain halved, and never to become full." That is what the Satan wants. He does not care about the sins, he does not care about the transgressions, he does not care about the distance. He wants to break each one — that a person should say to himself: "Who am I? I am such and such; I know the affliction of my own heart. Once I did this, once I did that.

47:43 I am already 60, I am already 50. What am I worth? I never did such and such. There was this tzaddik, there was that tzaddik — he is a tzaddik. Where am I? I am flawed, I am far away." He speaks about himself in all sorts of terms like these, and he does not understand that the Holy One, blessed be He — "You desired praise from clods of earth, from those formed of clay" — holds each and every one precious, and never, never, never is there despair.

48:08 On the contrary: Hashem, blessed be He, rejoices in the voice with which you call Him, in the voice that comes from you, from your level, from where you are, from where you are placed, from the level you are at. And He is happy to hear your voice suddenly calling Him. And believe in yourself — believe that there is a great power in you to change this whole world and turn it over from one end to the other. And if the Jewish people understand this — and if each one understands this, the power that is hidden in him, the strength that there is in each one of us — this will bring us the geulah, because then the Holy One, blessed be He, will redeem us. How can Hashem, blessed be He, come and call the Jewish people today,

48:44 and say to them, "Come, I am redeeming you; come, go out of this exile" — and they will say to Him: "What? Us? We are not worthy. Tell us, what are You talking about?" People will not believe that they are at all — it is like the Jewish people in Egypt: "But they will not believe me." So this is what Hashem, blessed be He, tells us: we need to believe in ourselves. When the Jewish people wanted to go out of Egypt, they needed to believe both that Hashem was taking them out, and also to believe in themselves — that they were worthy of being redeemed.

49:10 So too each one of us: to believe that Hashem, blessed be He, exists — we, baruch Hashem, believe — but we need to strengthen the belief that we are worthy of being redeemed, and that the Holy One, blessed be He, will redeem us. And may everyone have all the good flows of blessing, and may you have a good life, and may you have salvations, and may you have miracles and wonders, and may the merit of the holy Torah protect you — "you and your children." "Blessed are you to Hashem, Maker of heaven and earth."

49:36 Be strong, be joyful. I pray for you always. Pray for me too, that I merit to bring nachas before the One Who spoke and the world came into being. May Hashem redeem us with a complete geulah. Amen.