The Yanuka Rav Shlomo Yehuda-הקול שלא נשמע - הגאון הינוקא בגילוי לב נדיר על מסע הרדיפה נגדו לאורך השנים

3:20 The true story, the great pain that I went through, not one of you knows. The persecution with which you persecute me for nothing, and the crime, and this pain, really, to persecute for nothing, for nothing, for nothing. The crime they accuse me of is that, Baruch Hashem, I bring merit to the many and do good, and, Baruch Hashem, people have it good and are saved.

3:48 Hashem, blessed be He, does miracles and wonders for them. I give them advice and tefillah and counsel and a path. I want to go back with you, back to the true story, to those days, at this time. As you know, or some don't know, or do know, that period was a very, very, very hard period in my life.

4:18 I, Baruch Hashem, got married, after many, many, many had tried to harm and to extinguish and to eliminate and to bring down and to destroy everything I did, everything I taught, everything I gave. And then came the hard period, the hard one of my life, the black period, the painful one, the persecuted one, and I am telling you the whole truth.

4:48 I will not tell the names, I will not say what they did, I will not be in that place. I only pray to Hashem that He forgive them, that He pardon them. But the period I am speaking of is when I was about 22, 21, 22, something like that. In that period the persecution was very, very great.

5:18 They truly persecuted me. You know that lashon hara, when people speak lashon hara about a person and roll lashon hara onto him, it is as if, like, it is a kind of wheel that keeps going, and everyone buys it, speaks and says such and such, and then everyone buys it and right away hurries to listen, without trying to truly understand.

5:46 And that is really how it was: they rolled lashon hara onto me, and I will not forget the turned back I got from all kinds of rabbis who were with me then, in that period, from all kinds of respected people, wealthy patrons, important people, rich people, people who were with me at that time, and simply they all turned their backs on me.

6:13 Simply, out of the blue, they all turned their backs on me, one after another, following some rabbi who spoke, and within a few days, simply, from what, Baruch Hashem, I had really done, everyone simply left me. A handful of individual students remained with me, and simply all the people who had donated withdrew their hands and did no more, and the rabbis turned their backs and did not give me a place for a beis midrash.

6:50 I went to a synagogue; I arrived at the synagogue for the shiur, and they had torn down the notices. They closed the synagogue; they took the key away and closed the synagogue. I would arrive at a synagogue to give a shiur, and I had to stand outside and simply give the shiur outside. That is a period many remember, while they were disgracing me, and while they were hurting me and speaking harshly.

7:15 They simply did not let me give a shiur, and they persecuted me from synagogue to synagogue, from week to week to week, and that is simply how it really was, all the time, all the time, all the time. No one knows this at all. No one understands this at all. And I prayed so much to Hashem, blessed be He, I prayed so much to Hashem, and I was in a period when I had no money.

7:42 I was in the hardest financial period there could be, in distress; I had nothing, simply nothing, nothing, nothing. I was in a really, really hard state, a hiding of the Face from Heaven, a very, very hard period. And whoever knows: I established my path alone, with sweat, with blood, with self-sacrifice, all the students I built, all, everything I established, everything, everything alone, without the help of anyone, of any wealthy patron, of any supporter, of any helper, of any assistant.

8:18 They only turned their backs on me. And the only thing I prayed for to the Holy One, blessed be He, I said to Hashem, blessed be He: I pray before You, Master of the World, give me wealth of kedushah, give me wealth of kedushah, give me tools, so that the thing they would see, all those rabbis, all those patrons, for those rabbis left me and turned their backs on me, and they went to those patrons, and I know, at that time, which patrons they chose for themselves: patrons who were sinners, patrons of lashon hara, patrons whose whole fortune was not made honestly, and a few more who were very, very far from Hashem, blessed be He, who rejoiced and were glad over my blood, and they chose them, and went with them, and rejoiced with them, and were glad with them, and talked about me

9:09 and said harsh things about me. I prayed to Hashem: if only I did not need that support from them at all. I know that if I had wealth, I would be ruling over those rabbis, because in the end I saw that there was no truth in those rabbis, and they were ruled by patrons. That is, the patrons tell them such and such, and the rabbis such and such, and so they are together, one group, where what matters among them is the honor of the patron, and to that one the rabbi matters, such and such, and all that they drew up... this hurt was so, so hard that you, no one can understand me to this day, the pain and this hurt.

9:53 I prayed to the Holy One, blessed be He, that He do a kindness with me, that He show me counsel from Heaven, that He show me a miracle from Heaven. I prayed to the Holy One, blessed be He, that I would have wealth, extraordinary riches, so that I could show them what to do with such money. That I would have wealth, to do as I desire. I had no support from anyone, and I was short of very small sums to get through that month, because at that time I was supporting several Torah scholars.

10:23 Several students whom I supported, I myself. I myself, on me there were, on me there were really personal things that I had to pay. I had to pray to Hashem that even such a tiny, small sum as 10,000 dollars, for that time, even that I could not obtain. Even that sum I could not obtain at that time. I prayed to Hashem, blessed be He, from the depths of my heart, that He give me wealth.

10:50 I prayed for this, and I asked everyone to assist me, to help me reach wealth of kedushah. And how much I need tools, and how much I need wealth, and for years I did not ask, for years I did not ask, for years I did not speak of wealth, I did not ask for it. When I say wealth of kedushah, wealth is that I be able to do as I desire, to carry out my works, everything I want to do in the world. Anyone wise, whose eyes are in his head, knows that wealth of kedushah, when it goes to the side of kedushah, then there will also be the kingship of kedushah.

11:23 Because it is impossible to spread and reveal the way of Hashem in the world without tools. It is impossible; it is something that is not realistic. And now too, when there was that report they did about me, on some channel, and they talked about houses, "he has houses," so whoever knows: these are properties of my father-in-law, may Hashem protect him and give him life, which he acquired himself, from his own means, and not from anything of the public, and we did not use public money, nor anything from the people, nothing, not from people's donations, but from what Hashem, what Hashem graced us with and gave through my father-in-law, may Hashem protect him, who labored and toiled himself.

12:13 These are things from a decade ago, from ten years ago and more, things that are so old. My house, and it is not something that was bought with public funds, and perhaps someone could have understood that I needed money for something from the public. Because for myself I do not need money from others. From others. I do not ask for money for myself. I ask the Holy One, blessed be He, to give me wealth of kedushah, that I have the ability to do the works, my spreading of Torah, to do what I need on my own, as I desire.

12:48 A beis midrash in Jerusalem I wanted for years, years, years I toiled and labored for a place, and in this too they tripped me up and did not give me that place. I would go there after shiurim, days, nights, sitting there in the cold, standing and praying on that ground, and praying to Hashem, blessed be He, that He arrange a beis midrash for me there, in that place that I want, Hashem knows the place I wanted, before many, many set their eyes on that place, and I prayed so much to Hashem that He give it to me.

13:20 And they said that to buy it one needs very, very great wealth, to merit buying that place, and it is impossible without very large sums, and at that time I had no possibility at all; it was not even enough for my own living, and these are very, very large sums, and I so much wanted Hashem, blessed be He, to give me wealth, and I prayed to Hashem that I would no longer be dependent on any patron, and that this path would not be dependent on anyone, that I could do as I desire in this world, that I could do what I wish in this world, without being dependent on anyone, on any party, on any helper, that this path not be founded on the foundations of people's hearts, where one day this person wants to, and one day he does not.

14:06 Because at that time, when I was hurt by those rabbis, simply that turning of the back, and the betrayal, and the hurt from those I had helped, people for whom I did only good, and they returned me evil for that good. I prayed so much for them, so much; I gave them good advice and da'as and straight thinking, and they repaid me evil for good.

14:31 And all I prayed to Hashem for was that He raise me and lift me up, because I truly know how much falsehood there is in this world, and I saw how much money rules over them, and how much they are ruled by the patrons, that the patrons are the ones who rule over the rabbis, that that rabbi knows that this patron is a sinner, him he goes and honors and makes look good, and me, when I had not done the sin that the other one did, me they slandered, and said horrifying things about me, and I simply said: what, if I were rich, they would not talk about me like this; if I had wealth, I would rule over them.

15:14 I could tell them what to do, this way, that way, they could not say anything to me. I simply understood that the way to pass on what I want is for them to hear me, that perhaps if I have wealth, they will hear me, they will understand me. And their persecution was so, so great, and it is impossible to explain this pain at all, and this sorrow that I went through at that time.

15:44 And I prayed so much to Hashem that He grace me with wealth of kedushah, and help me from Heaven, and give me a miracle from Heaven, and that I be helped from Heaven, and that He show me counsel and a path and understanding. And today many, today too, many people ask, and say, about the miracles, about the miracles: what are the miracles, "What, there are miracles? Doing miracles? What, doing miracles?"

16:10 You know, anyone who remembers knows that in the past, too, there were miracles. Hashem, blessed be He, always does miracles, even before I was born. With many holy ones and tzaddikim there were miracles. These miracles were not done because of me, nor in my merit, nor for my sake. These are miracles that Hashem, blessed be He, does in the whole world. But what made me glad about the miracles that Hashem, blessed be He, did, when I was within the four cubits of those miracles, was so that He would show them that He is with me.

16:39 I don't know whether some will accept this as testimony that He is with me or not; maybe they will always say, "So what, who says, it says nothing," but these miracles said, as if the Holy One, blessed be He, is telling them: "Look, I am with him, here, I listen to him; what do you want from him? What do you want from him? Why don't you leave him alone?" And when I say to you "leave him alone," I am telling you that I am with a taste of bitterness, years upon years, in which they distorted everything of mine, falsified everything of mine, tried only to harm and sabotage my path, when all I want is that Jews pray and return to Hashem, blessed be He, that His Divinity, blessed be He, be revealed in the world.

17:17 And it does not matter whether it is through me or not; I would be happiest if it were through me. If only I would merit this gift, that I merit these tools to reveal His kingship, blessed be He, that I merit that my mind would be, would have freedom and tools to do what I want in this world, and to reveal His kingship, blessed be He, with tools that I will be able to make, and that it not come through an emissary, that this merit be mine, that I merit it; that is my dream, that I, I should merit to reveal His kingship, blessed be He, and to shine His light, blessed be He, that I merit this.

17:51 But I did not merit it, I did not merit it. I am not seeking to gain what is not due to me, but I only know how much falsehood there is in this world, how much falsehood there is in this world, and how much I suffered, and how many persecutions, which not one of you can understand, and I do not wish it on anyone, either.

18:16 And this voice was not heard, and no one came to try to understand me. And to try to hear me, to try to take in what I went through, and this pain and this sorrow is great beyond measure. And I tell you that to assist and to help everything I want to do in the world is a very great and mighty thing.

18:46 And I will tell you even more than that: if there is someone who is a man of great means and has extraordinary wealth, to whom Hashem, blessed be He, truly gives riches, great and extraordinary, and chose him and gave him kingship and great and extraordinary wealth, I am willing, if I so wish, of course, and of course if it works out and is helped along from Heaven, to pray for him that he have still more extraordinary riches, on my part, and that he have the greatest wealth, and if only, if he, he merits and I merit that he share it with my wishes, with my goals in the world, and that he hear them, so that if I do not do it, at least he should do it.

19:32 I would be glad for him to do it. Because there is a great, great deal to do in this world. This world is dark, this world is gloomy, this world is shouting, this world is crying out. And everything you see here in the world, and everything you hear here in the world, everything you look at here in the world, you always see the world from its angle, the crooked one.

19:58 No one truly sees the world from the right angle and thinks about how it ought to look. The tools today, the tools today for the revelation of Hashem's kingship to be revealed in the whole world, are tools that are revealed only through wealth of kedushah. The honorable tools with which to crown the King: when one wants to call the King and to invite the King into this world, and one wants to crown the holy King in the world, one must crown Him like a king; one must call Him like a king.

20:31 One cannot shout "the Holy One, blessed be He, the Holy One, blessed be He, the Holy One, blessed be He," while no one knows what he is shouting "the Holy One, blessed be He" about. One must reveal His kingship, blessed be He. You know that it is not for nothing that wealth of kedushah, it is drawn from the root of the Gevuros. From the higher awe, which is called "the Fear of Yitzchak," from the highest chamber, which is of course the greatest power; it is like an attainment, it is simply like meriting an attainment.

20:56 When a person merits this, then either he merits tremendous levels in spirituality, for this is a contemplation, and one cannot come to understanding in Torah except through this contemplation, either he merits that, or the opposite: he simply merits nothing. Because as you see, there are many who have wealth, but it is not from the side of kedushah; it is wealth that is from the side of the kelipah.

21:20 Just as there is "Who brings forth bread from the earth," there is also "Who brings forth bread from the heavens." And at that time, in that period, after I went through this great hurt from the patrons, from those patrons, yes, there were not so many patrons, there were a few, and from those rabbis, and from those people who were at their side, who were not religious; they were secular, a few secular people who were near them, who did not keep Torah and mitzvos, but to my sorrow those ones, they did not keep Torah and mitzvos, yet they danced on my blood, and all of them were simply as one conspiracy against me.

21:55 Many took it back; time passed; many left it, many this way, many that way, but that impression always remained, because lashon hara is a thing that likes to improve with the years. That impression always remained; the persecution always remained, and they are always persecuting me as if there is something, as if, as if there is something. So I want to reveal to you: there is nothing.

22:20 I have a great goal, and I will also not reveal my goal to you. With Hashem's help I will merit to carry out my goals in the world. I do not need to reveal my goals to anyone. And whoever wants to believe will believe, and whoever chooses to deny, let him deny it. No one has to; no one is obligated to listen to me, but I only suggest believing me, at least believing that I have something to give, and I have a great deal to give, and I know that I came to this world with a purpose: to engrave and to perpetuate here, as much as possible, the revelation of Divinity and truth and the light of Hashem, blessed be He, in the world.

23:04 And everything I toiled and labored for is in order to crown Hashem, blessed be He, as King, and not that I should be in some place of wretchedness, and for years I have gone about poor and depleted, and I have no proper place for tefillah; a beis midrash, still, to this day, I have one, one, and even that one, this single beis midrash, Baruch Hashem, it is good, but it is still small; it is not enough to hold those who come to pray.

23:33 I have no place to receive the sick who come; I have no place to receive everyone. I so much want to speak with each one, I so much want to give time to everyone who comes to me, and to speak with him and hear him, but I do not have, I do not have the place to hold them, I do not have the place to be with them, I do not have the place to receive all the people. It is a big thing, a very big thing. Buildings cost a great deal.

23:58 And not to mention Jerusalem, where I need to establish a place that is very large, and everyone knows that to establish in Jerusalem a place that is for at least 500 people praying, or a thousand people praying at least, costs a great, great, great deal. The costs are not normal, and one needs real, real tools, and wealth of kedushah for this. And all the time it is...

24:26 We have no patrons who come today, and the way people think, what they spread around in the world, that there are tens of millions here; and everything, our nonprofit is transparent. Whoever wants: at my place, in Jerusalem. People have been in my home, and I have my mikveh, in which they immersed. Many people have entry there, and know how to get in there, and learn there, and have been there, and the house there is no secret; it is a sort of small little beis midrash, where we have prayed a great deal, in that place, but 30 people can fit in there. We prayed there, the most we ever were there was once, a tefillah we prayed a month ago, over the festivals.

25:11 There were once a few tefillos there where we made a minyan; we were 50 people. Up to 50 men we managed to pray there. It is not even a place one can pray in, that is meant for tefillah. And I tried to do everything, and you do not know what lashon hara is, how it explodes and splits off, this way and that, and the distortion of things. And I did not persecute anyone; only, I know that they persecuted me.

25:39 And the pain is very, very great. And I say to you, to each and every one of you, that if you can truly listen to me and judge me favorably, and not, Heaven forbid, take part in that same chorus that talks and talks, and among them there are also those who threaten, who also want to do harm, and who think it is actually a mitzvah that I should not be here in the world.

26:09 That it is actually a mitzvah. It is a mitzvah to kill me, and a mitzvah that I should not exist. There are also such opinions, that it is a mitzvah. And what have they not said about me? That I am the son of a non-Jewish woman, that my mother is a Muslim, and my mother is a Christian, and I came from Christians, and I was once a woman and today I am a man, once I was born a woman and today I am a man, and all kinds of nonsense and vanities that they invented about me.

26:33 So, so many inventions, and so much drivel, and so much nonsense I have heard: that I was born in a mosque, and that I was I do not know where. I simply cannot even repeat so many fantasies, and so many distortions, and so many lies. And I simply do not know, I simply do not know what to say to you, because this is a voice that is not heard. And I also cannot always speak, because I do not always get to speak what I have in my mouth.

27:05 I cannot always speak that voice; I cannot always let the voice out. And it is simply a voice that is not heard, because I have much, much more inside than I let out. But you cannot speak, because on the one hand you are, how do they say, ... and here, all around, are lots of people. And as you see me on a stage, with lots of people, you think: "Wow, look, this is great." This is not called great, and it is not called honor either.

27:35 It is not honor. It is a yoke. It is called a yoke. It is not called honor. It is called a yoke. And to see my brothers suffering, and to see people suffering, with wheelchairs, and illnesses, and tumors, and sick children, and tubes, and all kinds of things like that: these are things that break my heart, these are things that break you, these are things that are hard.

28:00 This is not called honor. Honor is, Baruch Hashem, what kings around the world have. That is called honor. This is not called honor. So there is nothing to envy in me. First of all, there is nothing to envy. There is no need to envy; one can simply get up and help the Jewish people. And everyone knows; many who hear that I have a good name, it is because many, many know all the giving that I gave them. Through all the years I gave, and I was always among the givers, and everyone knows the open hand with which I gave, and helped, and assisted a great, great, great, great many.

28:36 Not, how do they say, families that one gives food and cheese; I set families up on their feet. I lifted people up. And these are things that the Holy One, blessed be He, knows, and they will be kept for me as a merit: in tzedakah, in help, in assistance, in kindness, from what I merited to do, from the merit and from the gift that Hashem gave me. And what is mine is from what Hashem gave us.

29:02 I did not take from public money, and I did not try, Heaven forbid, to take from the people, and I did not say to people, "Bring this, and I," and such and such. That is not my goal. Everyone knows that I always took care of the students. The students know it, that I gave to them; the students know what I gave and what I did in the world. And for so many years, to come and be, day after day, on a footing of persecution, where every time they are looking for you, and every time they try to paint you, each time from a different direction; and not to mention that it hurt me a great deal, that it pained me a great deal, at a time when I am trying to help so many people who want

29:49 the help. And I am simply kept from doing all the good that I do, because every time I have to fight and defend myself against people who simply want to cover me over and make me disappear. Whoever knows: I hardly sleep. I am there with this help around the clock, day after day, night, day, night, people with matters of life and death, from all kinds of places, from all kinds of situations, and all kinds of periods, and all kinds of...

30:23 It is dedicating one's life. It is dedicating one's life. And when I said that I want wealth of kedushah, it is not in order to run off to some desert island. When I said that I want wealth of kedushah, it is because I want... the good that I have given until today, with the few tools that I had, it is to see how I flood the world with good, how I flood the world with light. That is my goal. And I know this pain.

30:48 And I say to you: there are rabbis, and there are rabbis. There are rabbis who are tzaddikim, who are holy, who are true, who have a good eye. And there are rabbis, may Hashem have mercy, and these are our rabbis. And as it is written in Tractate Shabbos, page 139: "If you see a generation in which there are troubles, and they multiply," and all the disasters that we see, "go out and examine the judges of Israel." And this is the greatest pain: that they take the Torah and use the Torah in order to do as much harm as possible, to taunt, and to paint the other side as the very worst, as the most in the wrong, as the most evil there is; and they use all kinds of tools and all kinds of ways to make their mitzvah kosher. For them, in their eyes, it is a mitzvah.

31:35 In their eyes it is a mitzvah, and the best thing, the most excellent and the finest, in order to permit the blood of whomever they choose. They will search in the Torah, they will search for poskim, they will search for permissions, they will search for midrashim, they will search for sayings, in order to say: "Ah, I am right, certainly. What is the question? It is permitted. Everything is permitted. Everything is permitted." So I say: there is nothing to worry about. So first of all, Baruch Hashem, I am not a sorcerer, as many thought, that perhaps I am a sorcerer, or those who think that the miracles are inventions.

32:06 So I want to tell you: Baruch Hashem, I am not a sorcerer, and the miracles are not inventions. They are absolute truth, which Hashem, blessed be He, did; and Hashem, blessed be He, does the miracles, He, blessed be He. And I do no miracle, and I attribute no miracle to myself. I simply merited to see the miracle. So I can be together with that same Jew; I saw it too, I too saw the miracle. I, how do they say, merited to see the miracles. I merited, Baruch Hashem. I say all the time: I thank Hashem, blessed be He, for these miracles, that He strengthens me, that He stands behind me. Because no one strengthens me; I want everyone to know that.

32:42 The Jews who come and say to me "Be strong, be strong" strengthen me. But I want you to know that when you see me today, I was in states of very great brokenness, many, many times. Many, many times they tried to extinguish me. Just think: I arrived for the shiur, and I came to the synagogue, and the beis midrash was closed, because they had come to that gabbai and told him: "He must not give a shiur here, because this is the Sitra Achra, and he is forbidden to set foot here.

33:10 He is forbidden to be here, so close the synagogue." And then I would come and simply see people outside, and I, as it were, take the insult, that the gabbai did not agree to open the synagogue, because simply, no; he will not open the synagogue. And I had to speak outside, or look for some synagogue nearby, or sometimes stand in the plaza at the side. Why? Why? Why? Why, why, why so much persecution?

33:38 I know that it is heavenly, I know that it is heavenly, and I know that it is from Heaven, and I accept it with love. I know; with love. And I know that also in the eyes of those who hate me and of my enemies, I am pictured as something not good. I am pictured to them as something not good, and their picture shows them that this is something not good, something not good. So look, so pray to Hashem that, how do they say, this "not good," that this "not good" should be no more. As it is, I am not going to live here 120 years.

34:07 You have nothing to worry about. Baruch Hashem, someone they load up with troubles and problems and stories, I do not know how long he holds out. The yoke that is on me is very great, Baruch Hashem. I truly ask, I do not want life for myself. I want to go on helping, and to go on giving to my people and helping the Jewish people, and I am not looking for the patrons, and not looking for the rabbis. A rabbi who wants to assist me and support me, let him support.

34:35 A patron who wants to help, let him help. Whoever does not want to, let them not help. Whoever wants to stand aside, let him stand aside. Whoever wants to go his way, may Hashem make his way succeed. And if not, with respect. It is all fine. I seek nothing from anyone. To this day I have risen without the support or encouragement of any man. Not one rabbi and not one patron, apart from the back that they turned on me.

35:00 That is the greatest gift. I accept it with love. And you know what? I will tell you even more than that. Just now we traveled to France, to build a beis midrash, as I desire, a very large one, a place where I can receive the people. People come, and not all of them can get in; I have no way to receive them. There are people who come on stretchers, people come in ambulances, people come in wheelchairs, people come with a feeding tube, with tubes, with so many hardships, and you will be amazed to hear: they are also saved.

35:33 They also do not remain in that state. Some of them, Baruch Hashem, and this place is proven to help. What helps? The tefillah. I give them a tefillah for healing; I give them advice to draw close to Hashem, blessed be He. I reveal a tefillah to them; I do not attribute it to myself. That is also the reason I hand out tefillos to people, and give them tefillos, and give them a way to pray to Hashem.

35:57 So one must also see in this that there is tefillah here, too. We need a place, that we should have a bigger place, because for the municipality, too, it is hard that the place where I am is not big enough, and I need a bigger place. And in Jerusalem too, that I need a place there is clear, and I have no large place in Jerusalem to hold this. And I cannot tell you the figures, what they cost, the places, the kind I desire.

36:23 Some know. But it costs a great, great deal; these are enormous sums, enormous sums, the place I want to pray in and want to be in. And just this Rosh Hashanah, when they talked, they talked about seats. And the seats, I will tell you the truth, I am ashamed too. I too am sorry that it came out this way, that seats were sold. And I, all the time, all these years, whoever knows: 4 years ago and 5 years ago, they sold nothing. I was against all the selling, and I was against all those things.

36:51 And whoever knows, and prayed there: I used to sell it for pages of Gemara. I would say: "You will learn such and such a number of pages; you will read the Tikkun HaKlali; you will say the Book of Tehillim." I would have people divide it up, so that they would take on resolutions, and accept upon themselves all kinds of resolutions. And I said to myself: that is it, to go on in this way. Until they simply multiplied, and multiplied, and multiplied. And they told me: "Rav, we cannot sustain this."

37:15 And I tell you: I sustained it myself. Not through a patron and not through... simply by myself, from everything I could give, from everything that Hashem, blessed be He, gave me, and, Baruch Hashem, with the encouragement of my father-in-law, who helped me and supported everything I was able to do, and one more student of mine, dear and beloved, a mighty student, whom Hashem gave me, who has a very big heart. And his father was one of the pillars who gave so much light here, and he would be with me every year on Rosh Hashanah, and he would cook every meal for me, a great man, who passed on to his eternal home at the age of 72, the age of "chesed," who so...

38:00 who, Baruch Hashem, left a son after him, a son who is a Torah scholar, very much a Torah scholar. And I tell you, these were the pillars: my father-in-law, and one more small pillar, who printed books, and he helped with the printing. And the first thing there was, when I bought a printing press, I wanted to buy a printing press, and I prayed to Hashem that He give me wealth of kedushah, to spread and reveal His Divinity, blessed be He, throughout the world.

38:26 And I prayed for this so much, and it was so hard, and it is impossible even to explain the story to you. Perhaps a day will yet come and I will tell you many things that you, with Hashem's help, how do they say, there is the time for the shiur, there is the time for Torah, there is this time, and this, too, is a talk. It is simply a talk, the way I would talk with a friend. I am speaking with you heart to heart, simply at eye level, the low place where I am.

38:54 I am calling to you from the depths, from that place, that you should try to understand me: how I, alone, at such a young age, without any support or encouragement from any rabbi, and what is more, I appeared and came to them suddenly. I understand that for them this was something strange, or I do not know what, but Baruch Hashem, there was also much good, and many also accepted me, and strengthened, and encouraged.

39:21 But that period of the lashon hara, when suddenly, for nothing, they suddenly put out a word about you, and suddenly everyone turns around, and they simply left. There had been, like, a plan to give me some place for a beis midrash and a large synagogue, and they had helped and assisted with the printing; they simply stopped the donations for the books, they stopped the donation for the beis midrash, they simply left and cancelled everything.

39:45 They did not help me with anything, and simply left completely. I am telling you: I went from a shiur a week earlier, where there were maybe some 500 people, a thousand people, I do not know; there were also a few thousand, at one time; there were all kinds of times, when part of the place was like this and part of the place was like that, but a big shiur. Suddenly I came to a synagogue for a shiur, and it was closed, and there was a minyan of people there.

40:11 That is how it was: a name that was not good was on me, a bad name, simply a bad name. And I said to Hashem: Why? Why? Like, why? Come on, it simply hurt me. And I said to the Holy One, blessed be He: there is only one thing that can help me. What can help me? That You give me tools of my own. I will build a synagogue, I will build a beis midrash. The patrons left, the rabbis left, I have no rabbis, I have no patrons, I have no way to spread what I want, I have no way to grow and to give light to what I want.

40:42 The simplest thing is that I need wealth; I need tools to do this alone. I supported my students; there were those students, poor people, unfortunate ones, whom I so much wanted to make rich, and so much wanted to give to, and so much wanted to gladden. And many, many know; when you hear that I have a good name, it is because many know how much I gave them, and many know how much I helped them. Many, many, many among the Jewish people, materially and spiritually.

41:10 Many, many know; they are familiar with it. And now I will give you an example of something that was really, really hard. Because we are still, even now, in a situation of the persecutions, and of what I go through, and of receiving the public, and hearing troubles and people, and all these ordeals, this whole ordeal that has come at us from within and from without, with everything I go through from within; and on top of that, Baruch Hashem, "they too will join our enemies and fight against us": more enemies, who talk from here and smear from there. And I think that this is also a test for the other side, to decide, and to accept. Because if a person accepts the lashon hara, and chooses, in the end, he is the one who loses.

41:49 Because it is not that it takes away from me, for I have no need; Hashem, blessed be He, will help me, for the sake of the honor of His Name. But whoever chooses to listen to a side that is not good, to a side that broadcasts the negative and the bad: a person may think, "Oh, I heard lashon hara; I am being careful, I am guarding myself." You are not guarding yourself. You have taken harm, and a snake's bite. That is not called guarding. One must protest against lashon hara, and remove this lashon hara from the world, the baseless hatred that there is in this world, the honor, and the competition, and all the persecution with which people persecute for the sake of honor, and for the sake of...

42:21 and each one is trying, this one for this, and that one for that. And everything all around, it is simply, and it is clear, that there is a very great competition in this whole world of the rabbinate and of rabbis. I am not in this competition, but I know exactly what rules over this world. What rules over this world is the patrons. And the more standing a person has, the more he rules over the opinions of rabbis.

42:46 He can rule over the opinion of a rabbi. He can suddenly say... of course, we are not speaking of true rabbis, because a true rabbi, Baruch Hashem, is "You shall not fear," for he is a tzaddik and holy. Baruch Hashem, there are such in the Land of Israel, among the Jewish people, and in the whole world. I will not say names, because if you say a name, they will say: what, this one yes, and that one no? I am not saying a name, and not saying anyone's. Baruch Hashem, there are holy and pure ones whom I have merited to see, and also those I have not yet merited to see, and I know that they are holy and pure, and they are tzaddikim. And there are, to our sorrow, also rabbis who are not the best. And the ones who rule over those rabbis are the patrons. They rule over them.

43:21 And if the Holy One, blessed be He, were to give me wealth, then I tell you that I, too, would rule over those rabbis. Because you can simply do what... They simply go by the money. They do not go by the truth, they do not go by justice, they do not go by straight and correct reason. You can easily see how he tilts his heart. You already know this generation today: whom they honor, to whom they show favor, whom they honor more, whom they honor less.

43:51 That is all of it; everything we see here in the world is a competition that simply does not end. Whether it is a competition over who has more patrons, and whom the public loves more, whom it wants more, and who is wiser, and who is more of a tzaddik, and who is more... This competition simply goes round and round, without anyone trying to notice what our goal is, what our purpose is in all this competition, where we are running to.

44:21 If we are one people, and we have a goal, Hashem is One, then come: there are tools, and there is what to do. There is no need to reach this state. So here, now there was France. I flew to France, I traveled there, and Baruch Hashem I saw warm Jews, after they had told me: "Come to France. France is in danger, the Jews in France are in danger, the Jews in France are in danger. There is danger there," so that there should be no assimilation there, and also no harm there, that people could hurt them, the Jews. "Let the Rav try to come, let him strengthen them, give them encouragement." And I said...

45:02 it was really hard for me. In the end they told me: "Come, come, come, it will be truly special and important, and they will also assist the Rav toward a beis midrash, and help; they will donate, and do good, and everything." I said: fine, here, Baruch Hashem, why not? You hear them telling you, "Listen, now Jews will be strengthened and there will be no assimilation, and also, perhaps Jews there are in danger," so everything is in danger, all of it together. I said: fine, warm Jews, let us go.

45:30 And Baruch Hashem, this whole story unfolded from Heaven: that I flew there, by Hashem's kindness, and there was also a story of Hashgachah with the journey itself, that the plane was damaged at first, and then another plane came along, and then I also got to know a certain pilot with whom we are in touch to this day, this pilot, who is truly gifted and special, this pilot, and very wise. And Baruch Hashem, he was strengthened and drew close to Hashem, blessed be He.

45:59 A very great story of Hashgachah, which was also a goal in itself. And then I came to France, and Baruch Hashem I rejoiced, and I saw wonderful Jews there, wonderful Jews, truly warm, and rabbis there who are tzaddikim, and truly there was a really, really good atmosphere, really good; there was real joy, and a really good atmosphere, and real light, and kedushah, and kiddush Hashem. And I remember, if I told you, that more than 17 Jews left non-Jewish women, and perhaps even 20; already more than 20 left non-Jewish women, and some took Shabbos upon themselves; because the number has already gone past that, that was at the beginning, and it rose; the number is already over 20 who left non-Jewish women, and some accepted Shabbos, and were strengthened, and it was truly wonderful and special.

46:50 And there too I met sick people, and there too I met unfortunate people, and I tried to strengthen and encourage. And Baruch Hashem, in those few days that I was there, too, it was "Give thanks to Hashem, for He is good, for His kindness endures forever," and they rejoiced, and there was joy, and truly there was a great light and a good atmosphere. And there too, you will be amazed to hear, in the students' car... I, Baruch Hashem, traveled in a car for which they had also arranged security for me, and I traveled in a separate car.

47:24 And in the car ahead of me, of several students and people who were traveling with us, they put, inside their cars, apparently it was a ride that someone had volunteered, none of it for nothing, none of it; but they put recording devices in their cars. They recorded what students said there, people who were talking there. Baruch Hashem, they spoke a few things about what was needed, they had conversations about what was needed for the trip, and about helping, and everything, and they spoke very nicely. Baruch Hashem, those enemies did not put it to bad use, but some will also be sorry over it. But just look at the low level that they reached, in what they placed there: they arranged a car that would be "volunteered," to drive me and to drive them; but they did not know that I was actually traveling in a different car, and had not agreed to ride there.

48:23 And they rode there, and afterwards they tried to threaten and to blackmail with those recordings, which had nothing in them. And that is how this thing was, all the time. And after that, waves simply began; it was right on the last day in France, the guest who arrived, ... the guest who arrived, suddenly rumors began, lashon hara, and immediately they simply began to speak words against me.

48:55 I simply understood, like, the whole picture; I understood the whole situation. That is it: this is the line, this is the law, this is the way: to trample as much as possible, and to raise up whomever they want to raise up, and the patrons will donate to whomever they want them to donate to. And "they are the truth, this one is the lie, this one must be erased, this one must be raised up. Whatever finds favor in our eyes we will raise up, whatever is not good in our eyes we will bring low." Why? Just because. That is it, that is the reason.

49:21 And then they will look for a reason, raise it up, distort it, and lift it high, high, high, so that this is the reason. Why? "Because this is the reason we persecute." This is the reason: every time, to find an excuse for the grave crimes that they committed against me. And after I came back from there, here, the great wave of the lashon hara began, and the persecution began.

49:47 "How did you dare to travel to raise funds at all, a donation for the... How do you even dare?" As long as I had not flown, had not traveled there, had not come into the territory of those who collect, I had not traveled, so I was good, everything was fine. But the moment I flew there, immediately everything leapt up like fire; immediately everything was chaos, and talk, and simply they took down my shiurim; lashon hara, just like that, like fire.

50:22 Stories begin, inventions, fabrications, more and more, and everyone joins in, and everyone hears and immediately jumps, and immediately believes, and immediately paints a picture, and immediately they mix things and put them together and talk. And Baruch Hashem, and everything, everything is for the good; everything that Hashem, blessed be He, does is for the good. But perhaps you can imagine that, all the same, it hurts.

50:46 It is impossible to say that it does not hurt, and that it is not hard, and that it is not insulting. But the persecution, this persecution all the time, when you... I tell you: I sit with a sick person who is crying to me, crying that someone close to him is in distress, or that he is in distress, and I sit with him, with his doctor on the phone. I also speak with doctors, Baruch Hashem. I never take the place of a medical opinion.

51:14 I understand a little, a little about medical tests; I do not understand well; I, just a tiny bit, understand a little between the lines, understand a tiny bit of how to read indicators, or something. I sit with him, and I read with him, and I see his pain; and right while I am helping such a Jew, and am with him in such a state, you get a stab from here and a stab from there, and pain from here, and humiliation from here, and simply, why?

51:45 Why? What is it you are persecuting? What? What is the goal of all this persecution? The goal is, of course, simple: that I should not exist. So for this I prayed to the Holy One, blessed be He, and I pray; and for this, too, you pray for me. I, Baruch Hashem, am not trying to touch what is yours: not the patrons, and not your kingdom, nor anything that each one has.

52:11 And Hashem will want to help me. Only understand, too, if you judge favorably, that if I have no large place for receiving the public, and I cannot receive everyone, because on the one hand, time cannot contain it, and I also do not have the place in which to give the time, because the place is very small, and for the municipality it is very hard, and it weighs on the mayor, who truly wants to help me and to find a place where I can receive everyone, and teach, and bring forth Torah, and everything; but the place is too narrow to hold it. Now we are looking for a place in Jerusalem too, and a place in the center too, and that I should have, with Hashem's help, more batei midrash, with Hashem's help, around the world,

52:52 that I should have them, if I merit it. And everyone knows that there are those today who have many batei midrash, much bigger ones. And I am not rich, and I do not have such a fortune, and all those kinds of stories. And it is truly possible to understand, and to rise higher, truly, and not to look for lies and fabrications and things like that, and to invent; and to understand that the solution is to pray to Hashem that the Holy One, blessed be He, give me wealth of kedushah, and draw down to me from Heaven wealth of kedushah.

53:30 And that is what there was, from many years ago, from that same period. Hear good things, and hear only good things, and pray for me for good things, that I should merit to go on gladdening you and helping you. And that you should help me, too: strengthen me and encourage me, without money; everything is fine. I am not looking for money, not looking for money. I pray to the Holy One, blessed be He, that He give me wealth of kedushah.

54:00 And those people who truly want to understand what to do, and how to do it, and what tools are required to do it: I gladly tell them, I will gladly tell them, so that they do what I cannot do. And if possible, also, that they even give me the merit, that the merit of this doing, that I, too, should have this merit: that I should merit to do great things in the world.

54:27 And that is it, and this shall be my reward from all my toil. And this is what I wanted to say to you. And I bless you with all the blessings, and I pray for you for salvations and miracles, right away.