Q&A: Dealing with an Overstressed Mother - Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch

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The opening of this shiur, in Hidabroot - Torah & Judaism’s own words — taken from the captions, so names and Hebrew terms may be approximate.

[Music] the next question comes from a man who says he's 40 years of age and although he's a grown up adult his mother can stop calling him and bothering him she's constantly worrying about him and he's so overwhelmed with his mother's interest he doesn't know what to do and the writer writes dear dr. Shawn Bock your videos are truly amazing so much information in such short clips my mother is always worried when she's not worried it seems as if she's looking for something to worry about I'm over 40 years old she keeps calling and asking the most obvious questions for example did you eat today did you sleep good was it too hot or too cold at night etc if she knows I'm traveling she calls me every few minutes asking did you get home when you're getting home drive carefully don't fall asleep on the wheel don't give a lift to strangers please fill up gas they alert when you're driving she repeats the same questions and remarks over and over I feel like she's treating me like a baby and it was so annoying and stressful I tried explaining respectfully that I'm not a baby anymore and I don't need to be reminded to eat sleep stay awake when driving etc when I tried talking to her about her being so worried she does not accept what I say and gets defensive is there any advice to overcome the stressful situation thanks in advance dear viewer it sounds like you have an overly anxious mother and you're not the only one in the world that has this but

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1. 0:02[Music] the next question comes from a man who says he's 40 years of age and…
2. 0:32mother is always worried when she's not worried it seems as if she's looking for something…
3. 1:02and remarks over and over I feel like she's treating me like a baby and it…
4. 1:33there are certain things you may do that may be helpful however there's other things you…
5. 2:37there's any issues behind her anxiety and perhaps it you could suggest her to try to…
6. 3:07we'll call an open boundary where people are involved with each other's lives all the time…
7. 3:38sounds like with your mother she does not respect your boundaries and you're saying you need…
8. 4:41once a week I'm going to speak to err of shabad in which you should watch…
9. 5:12your question defensively you're just validating her feelings and I find this to be extremely effective…
10. 5:42listens to her without getting defensive against her I would suggest you try one or three…

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