״עברתי רדיפות, עלילות וניסיונות לרצח” - הגאון הינוקא חושף את סיפור חייו המטלטל | תיעוד היסטורי

2:59 And that is what brought me, first of all, to a lot of tefillah to the Holy One, blessed be He, because I was very lonely. And this combination of being closed in and the loneliness created for me a very real bond with the Holy One, blessed be He. And it was torn — I simply wasn't in some framework, you know, that now tells you to be the gadol hador.

3:24 I was torn between all kinds of places, both abroad and in Israel, but my bond with the Holy One, blessed be He, was always, always great. I had a sister who wanted to pull me a bit over here, and my grandmother called me only Shlomo. Because at my bris — I had my grandfather, my father's father, he was called Shlomo; my mother's father was called Yehudah; and my grandmother wanted them to call me only Shlomo.

3:54 My mother wanted Yehudah as well, after her father. And my grandmother — all her life she called me only Shlomo. Every time they called me Yehudah, she called me only Shlomo. Always, in the synagogue, she would call me Shlomo; she didn't add — she didn't accept the 'Yehudah', as they say. And so it was a sort of nickname, you know — they would call me Shlomo Yehudah, [unclear] — it was a name, like a sort of nickname, that I had.

4:20 And baruch Hashem, it's a nickname, you know. And I was very simple, and I love simplicity very much; I never want to be great, I'm not looking to be great, and truly, I want only Torah and the Holy One, blessed be He. And this thirst brought me to a very great closeness to Hashem. I'm telling you about things — once I was in the city of [unclear], and I sat there on a Wednesday, before the bris of my nephew — my father, peace be upon him, was the sandak — and I sat there, I remember, I said Tehillim at the window and I really cried. Snow was falling outside, and you find yourself very frightened; the financial situation is not so stable; on one hand you find a mother in Israel, a father abroad, a grandmother who tells you, 'Come to me' —

5:13 you go through a kind of something that brings you close to Hashem and cuts you off from what is around you, and on one hand you are living a life that is not ordinary. That brought me to contemplation of the Holy One, blessed be He — something that has already taken root in me, that I cannot forget and can never leave. It is something I live.

5:41 I live it. And of course, you know, I was already at bar mitzvah age, and I was already really here in Israel much more. I would travel from time to time; once I was in Lucerne, I was in [unclear] in Switzerland. My sister lived for a short time in Munich, in Zurich; so I was very attached — I am attached to this day to that sister who is abroad. I see her here every few years, in touch once in a while, but I was very attached to her. And you know, you go about torn — [unclear] — you don't live a life that represents you as you. You don't know — you don't know yourself. And this not-knowing is, as it were, what built me — my vessels, and most of all my broken heart. I have a small, old Tehillim that I keep in a beautiful wooden box

6:37 for my Tehillim — I used to say Tehillim with this book. I keep it like an amulet, from age ten. My father brought me this Tehillim once — the story is that I found it, a small book of Tehillim, and my father had received it as a gift, and I took the book of Tehillim — an old book of Tehillim called Ohel Yosef Yitzchak, of Chabad. I would open this Tehillim when I prayed to the Holy One, blessed be He — He would simply answer me.

7:10 Like that, really like that. I would say one chapter, something, and I would feel the Holy One, blessed be He. And it went with me everywhere. And that is what... and to this day I keep that Tehillim. And this bond, and the innocence — I would sit in the synagogue, and the gabbai gave me the key, and I would learn, and I wasn't so aware of... I didn't know that another world exists, as they say. Like, no...

7:35 You don't understand that, like — you don't understand what this world is. I don't really know what this world is. I am someone who is very, very closed, you understand — I didn't quite understand, like, how big this world is. You sit, and all the time you are seeking the One who created the world, not the world that He created. I am seeking the One who stood behind it. And I even remember times when I would go to a certain synagogue to help; I would go on foot, and I would cry the whole way to the synagogue.

8:03 I remember, it was once — I was twelve, half a year before the bar mitzvah — I was to read my aliyah in the Torah in the Yemenite way. I wanted to read it from a certain Mori, when he came once and he came to me, and I would go to him to learn with him the Torah reading with the cantillation of the Yemenites, to read it. And I felt very connected to it — and my mother isn't Yemenite; my mother is half [unclear], Halabi, and there was a bit of Ashkenazi on my mother's side.

8:36 And you know, no — my mother isn't — so we had to find some Mori, someone who would teach me, because I very much wanted it; it made the heart tremble, that tefillah. So I sat, and I wanted to read it in that pronunciation, and I would go through the Torah reading, the parashah. And once — I remember that I came to the synagogue and wanted to learn there with a chavrusa.

9:01 There was a man there, a Torah scholar, I remember — a Vizhnitz chassid — and he was a very great tzaddik, really, a man who feared Heaven, and he was learning Chullin. That is, like, I very much wanted to learn with him, because I very much wanted to learn with a chavrusa, someone. So he said to me, 'Today at four I will sit and learn with you.' And then I said, I need to make it by six, and I need to manage to read the weekly parashah, with the cantillation, and I need to prepare the parashah.

9:30 So I said, fine, I'll manage. I remember that I went to him and waited for him at four. And I won't forget that day — it was raining, and I arrived like that and waited at four; I really brought the Gemara and so on, and I sat — and he — I would listen; I very much loved to hear him, how he learns and so on. So I said to him — and then he was just about to leave, so I said to him, when I arrived — so he said to me, 'Ah,' he said to me, 'I need to learn with my son.

10:00 I have to go. I can't learn with you; I have to go.' And then, I remember, it was exactly five past four — I had also come exactly at four, exactly — I went into the synagogue, into the sanctuary, and at that moment there rose up before me my whole life, like, everything, everything, everything, like, from all kinds of voices, from all kinds of... I won't forget that day. It was a Monday, it was in the month of Shevat, and I sat there on the bench. I took — I left the Gemara, I took a Me'am Lo'ez on Parashas Shemos; it was right there nearby.

10:39 I opened it there, I began to read the Me'am Lo'ez, a few lines like that, and I simply cried. Like, I said, 'Why don't I have...' — like, I said to Hashem, 'Why am I not... my father, I didn't... why am I...' like. My father, afterward, for the bar mitzvah, came back; he was with me at the bar mitzvah, and he made a trip with me to Rabbi Shimon — it is the only trip we ever made together. I traveled with him to Rabbi Shimon, to Rabbi Meir Baal HaNess; he took me to all the graves of the tzaddikim, as a bar mitzvah gift.

11:09 We made a moving trip. Every time I come, to this day, to Rabbi Shimon, to Rabbi Meir, to the holy Arizal, tears come to me, because I remember the trip he made with me. He took me to the mikveh; he was particular to take me to the mikveh every week. Every week he was particular about the mikveh — to take me, no matter what. And it was very moving. And when I was in the synagogue, I said the...

11:35 I prayed, I said Tehillim, and I really cried to the Holy One, blessed be He, from the heart, and I felt the Holy One, blessed be He, from time to time. That's it. That, like, was — your bond with the Holy One, blessed be He, very high. And afterward there was that same Mori — Mori Shmuel, he was called — a Yemenite Mori, very wise, very, very wise, very much a tzaddik, who taught me a great, great deal of Torah, and I learned much from him.

12:00 He was 84, and I would kiss his hand, and I was very, very, very much in awe of him, and I would ask him a great many questions, and he had knowledge and broad wisdom — truly, he had. And afterward, at about age fifteen, he said to me once — I was walking with him — and then he said to me, 'You don't need me.

12:25 You don't need me,' he said to me. 'I love you. Do what you are doing, all of it; I see your heart. Be calm. You don't need me; everything is fine.' So I said to him, 'Why do you say that? Like, I do want to.' And then I came to him on Shabbos. It was Shabbos; I came [unclear] that time, and he was kind of weak, and he said to me, 'You know, everything will be all right; you don't need me. Don't be distressed, don't be distressed.' That is what he said to me.

12:51 And on Tishah B'Av — it was exactly two days after that — he passed away. That's how I saw it, like that. It's, like — I hadn't understood him, why he said, 'You don't need me.' And I was very broken; and we were in the group of the minyan, of Jews, Tishah B'Av, twelve noon, and they buried him, and we came there, and I merited to be there with all his group, and I was very, very, very broken. And my grandmother, the holy tzaddekes — there is the synagogue that she built on [unclear] Street. You know the Rav too, who knew me back when I was a child there who came with Grandmother to that synagogue.

13:26 People know Rav Nechemiah there, a very great tzaddik, truly, and all the rabbis there. When I would come with Grandmother — my grandmother very much wanted a beis midrash — so I would go along with her, so I came there to the... synagogue. I would pray there, very much feeling the kedushah of the place. And so, baruch Hashem, you know, I prayed, [unclear], I composed tefillos, musical notes, Torah chiddushim.

13:51 At about age sixteen I already knew Chacham Avraham, the mekubal from Bnei Brak. Once we sat together and he said — he said to me — he was learning a certain Zohar. I also have his Tikkunei Zohar — these are the Tikkunei Zohar of Chacham Avraham, with all kinds of bookmarks that they brought me — his bookmarks. You see? This is his.

14:17 And he called me 'the Yanuka'. He gave me this name. Why? He asked me about a Zohar in Shelach Lecha. He asked about a certain Zohar that he couldn't find. - At what age was that? - Sixteen. He had heard of a certain Zohar; he said a chiddush on a certain Zohar, and in the course of learning the Zohar I brought him that Zohar.

14:42 Now, when I brought him the Zohar, he was truly overjoyed; he got up and kissed me and said to me, 'Yanuka, Yanuka! You are a Yanuka, you are a Yanuka.' And then he said to me, 'This is a Yanuka, this is a Yanuka!' — that is how he cried out, and so on, and he hugged me. He was overjoyed. And since then, like, they have called me 'Yanuka'; because he called me Yanuka, it passed that way among people. And many know me, then, from that period. Do you know Rav Ovadiah Chadad?

15:08 Have you heard of him? The Rav — you didn't know him? who was very close — [unclear] — to Maran Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky. He was an elderly man, a tzaddik who lived on Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky's street — what is the name of that street? - Rashbam. - He lived on Rashbam Street, [unclear] nearby. He is the father of well-known roshei yeshivah in Bnei Brak.

15:33 He is a great Torah scholar, and he too — I had a close acquaintance with him; I was a guest in his home, and I honored him greatly, and merited to see his face as well. He loved me very, very much. He would also come — he was among the first who strengthened my shiurim back then. At seventeen I was already publicly known — all kinds of people, students, and people I raised up. It was very hard for me, because, understand: since I come from nowhere, think how many tests I went through in my life — which you can't comprehend.

16:08 I don't think there is a person who was tested and suspected and interrogated and questioned so much — more than what they did to me — on a level you can't understand. I tell you, at seventeen — I was also at Rav Moshe Halberstam's. Yes. Yes — at age fourteen, in Israel. With him — at age fifteen, fourteen and a half — I was at his home, and I went in with some person who told him about me, that I learn Torah nicely — 'he knows a bit of Torah,' and so on.

16:42 So he asked me all kinds of questions. He was very fond of me, he was happy, and he said — I asked him afterward whether I had gotten something wrong, and he said to me, 'You answered nicely, you answered nicely.' He said, 'I want to give you a gift.' He brought me the sefer Shivchei HaBaal Shem Tov, on which he had given a haskamah — that Shivchei HaBaal Shem Tov. After that he asked me a few — on [unclear] — questions, and after that on the Shulchan Aruch, in Orach Chaim, on tzitzis, something, [unclear], I remember.

17:12 After that I told him that I also very much love the Divrei Chaim of Sanz, from whom he is descended, so I spoke some more about the Divrei Chaim of Sanz, and he truly honored me. We sat for about half an hour together in his room — and he was a man who was very — a bit strict. People knew that he didn't... There was even a gabbai or someone who tried to say to him, like, 'Why are you taking so long with him, with this child?'

17:40 So he told him — he made him move away — and sat with me. That was the one and only meeting I had with him. And then he gave me the sefer, with the inscription; I took it, and I have it to this day. It is in the boxes there. And so it was, baruch Hashem, and I raised up students. And then, at age seventeen, eighteen, many students had already gathered around me, and I was very afraid, because I didn't know — I was very, very introverted and very closed, and I also didn't — didn't want, like, to be some... I am very, very — to this day I am a very closed person. I don't — my heart is very closed. I am very much, like, only with the Holy One, blessed be He. And everything was pure, and everything.

18:29 And suddenly, you know — suddenly this comes to you and tells you such-and-such, suddenly you begin to understand that you are coming out — [unclear]. At eighteen I had already become known, very, very much; people talked about me a great deal, and many people came to me, and it put me under pressure. Because I was pressured by it. It brought out in me a certain kind of pressure, and I didn't understand, like, who these people are, what they want, and so on — and that is without yet explaining what I was going through in my soul. Like, I didn't understand people so well, and I was very innocent.

19:03 And I also very much wanted to get married. And then I met many rabbis, many chachamim, who came to me — and also sized me up a lot. And all the time I was simply — every student — think about it: no student that I have to this day, or anyone who drew close to me, is someone who drew close to me because of my father or my grandfather or because of anything. Each one who drew close — it is because he is someone who decided to acquire me as his rav.

19:31 Leave it — without my... Today there are figures who sit on a chair because of a father or a grandfather, but without anyone having proven anything, and also without anyone checking whether he proved anything. I had to prove every single thing, endlessly. I tell you that they tested me on the Mishnayos, and after that, halachos, and after that — they simply came to me on everything. They said, 'He knows? So let's check, let's check.'

19:57 To the point that it was already, like, you know — I would be walking, and one would say, 'Wow, [unclear] okay, enough, like, I'm already [unclear],' they said to him, 'Fine' — like, already laughing about it, like — and it reached a state where it became... And then my name went out, that I know Torah. And I am very emotional and very much love heart. Torah and niggunim — that is something that was an inseparable part of me. When I heard a certain Jew who was playing — once I passed through some street; he was playing some very moving niggunim — and then I wanted — I prayed to the Holy One, blessed be He, that same night, that I too want to know how to play. And then, truly with siyata d'Shmaya, I succeeded in attaining

20:36 the wisdom of music, and I played many niggunim. And then there came — already, baruch Hashem, there was a very, very large public among the students, rabbis and all, and many had already decided to be students and all — after they decided that I am good. Because everyone — it frightens him: a rav who... where is he from? What is he? What has he been through? No? And they always judged me unfavorably, whether this way or that way. Like, you never — each time I would also feel hurt — because I too, on one hand, judged [unclear] — because it's like, you don't come to them from their own place; suddenly they don't know what — they don't know how to grasp you.

21:14 And then, baruch Hashem, I raised up students, and then I needed to get married. And many, many students saw it too — I'm telling you, whoever remembers; many remember me from many years ago. That is why today, when there is the great noise, people don't quite understand where this noise is from. And many, many know that it's [unclear]; that is why it is not new to them. And those who don't know me say, 'What is this noise?'

21:39 It isn't noise. It's something that — I'm old already; I am not new. People know me. I'm telling you, I gave shiurim — there were some three thousand people, at age eighteen. I gave a shiur — there was a shiur in Neve Yaakov, there was a shiur — once I spent a Shabbos in Bnei Brak, at age twenty; there was a shiur there from nine in the evening until three — three at night. They wanted a shiur there; in the end, at netz, at sunrise, I barely had a minyan of people — they wanted there to be an oneg Shabbos with a Torah shiur.

22:07 So many know me and remember me. And then, here, there came a point of a very great breaking, at age twenty. Just then I was about to — I wanted to get married, and here came, how do you say, the upheaval from which I was burned. I reached a state where suddenly, out of a clear sky, I didn't quite know everything that was going on — all kinds of rabbis put out about me — they told me — well, they decided, they reached the conclusion that most of the Torah, all the Torah that he knows, is not logical, and that it is apparently a demon.

22:50 Just like that. - Wow. - Just like that, yes. 'It is apparently a demon. His Torah is a demon — the powers, the ability.' Because back then, too, there were some miracles, you know. They aren't 'miracles'. Miracles are that the Holy One, blessed be He, hears you when you pray. It's not — it is the Holy One, blessed be He. For the Holy One, blessed be He, there is no 'miracle'; everything is easy for Him. And then they decided that I do [unclear] and a demon, like that, like... - They actually used those words? - They said that... yes, they used those words, behind my back.

23:22 And that is what hurt me most... - That was already at age twenty? - It was at age twenty, and what hurt me most is that it was at this time — the time when I needed to get married — and what happened is that it damaged all my shidduchim. That means that every shidduch I went out on, every shidduch — they simply cancelled the shidduch on me. They said, 'No, what are you thinking? What, haven't you heard?'

23:46 And so they simply went from one to the next and simply gave me a name: that I'm something strange, that I [unclear], that I'm a thing that is not good, that I'm the sitra achra; 'these powers are powers too greatly mystical, that are not from kedushah.' But I said, like, why? What's the connection? A person [unclear] the way is open — who has any interest in being on the path of the Holy One, blessed be He, and playing with it, and being — I said to them, 'How old am I? I'm young. Like, what would I have to put on a game for?' I tried to explain with all kinds of arguments, and I even debated with them in words of Torah and showed them that they were mistaken, and all kinds of things — nothing. Like, they didn't

24:26 agree; they didn't hear it. But these weren't rabbis — all kinds of rabbis of that sort, [unclear], and they tried to do all kinds of things against me, and it didn't succeed for them. And then the situation reached the point where I had no shidduch — I'm telling you, for almost seven, eight months, I have no shidduch at all, no shidduch wants to make a match with me, not one proposal. I remember, once I went to a certain place — like, I had a meeting on Wednesday, and I was truly happy that they had said yes, 'Of course, we're willing, it's a privilege,' and all.

25:01 I was on the way to the meeting, at eight in the evening. I'm going to the meeting, and suddenly the driver who was with me says to me, 'Rav, maybe I'd like to take you for a round at the Kosel in the meantime.' I said, 'No, it's impossible; I have a meeting now, a shidduch.' He said to me, 'No, I want to take you to the Kosel, and... maybe we'll be delayed, maybe the shidduch will be postponed.' I said to him, 'Why? What happened?' He didn't want to tell me. So he said to me, 'All right — you won't be distressed?'

25:27 I said to him, 'No.' So he said to me, 'The mother of the girl called just now, and she said, "How dare you suggest him? He's such-and-such, he's a demon"' — and harsh things, and things that were really — they said things about me that were really harsh. Over nothing at all. And then I truly broke, and it really — I understood that it isn't working.

25:53 And then those same people truly persecuted me, so that I would not find a shidduch, and they shut down my shiurim. They went from synagogue to synagogue so that I would not give a shiur; my writings they took to genizah; sefarim that I had put out — they simply took them and put them away in genizah. And in everything they [unclear] against me. And I understood only afterward that, all in all, they were afraid of me; they did not truly see it, really, that I'm a demon — because a student went to that one — a student asked him, 'Tell me, do you really think those things?'

26:23 So he said to him: "I'll tell you the truth: no. But what do you want — that I should lose the students here, and lose the yeshivah?" So he said to him: "If you were to say, about your own daughter, bad things so that no one would marry her — is that what you would do?" And then, I remember, I was about to get engaged. I did have a good shidduch, and she truly agreed to get engaged to me. And exactly at that time I was a deserter — the military prison — I did not know. I would get orders, and I would send them letters — to the army. I would send them letters: I cannot enlist with you, because I want a mikveh every day and I need to learn. I did it in innocence.

27:02 That is the reason I asked them to release me, and I signed for them. I explained the way of the Torah to them, and explained that I cannot. I spoke to them with respect and everything, and I thought that would exempt me. I would send them letters; I saw they did not answer after a letter — that letter exists to this day — and they simply disappeared. So I thought... One day they knock on my door. When did they knock on my door? Four in the morning, a Wednesday. It was a Wednesday, four in the morning. On Motza'ei Shabbos I had dreamed a dream that I — I dreamed that I would be caught, or something like that.

27:32 I dreamed it. I said: maybe it is just a dream; I don't know yet. I got a small bag ready, everything. At four in the morning they knocked on my door: "You have no time to get organized." I told them: "Come, I'm ready." I took the bag, the tefillin, and I went with them. They arrested me — to the military prison. I had miracles and wonders there. But what hurt was that it was on the day of my engagement. On the day of my engagement, my mother was [unclear], my father was not there; there was no one who was with me, and I did not know how to let anyone know. I was simply arrested.

28:02 And in the evening the shidduch came to the synagogue — it was supposed to be in the synagogue, the engagement, the celebration, and there was a celebration — and their family came. I did not come. I was being held in the detention house. It was exactly on that very day of my engagement. I was truly broken. At that time I said: Why am I going through this pain? Why am I going through this? I cried to Hashem. And what also hurt me: that same rav, who knew I was there, who had spoken with me — that he would help me, that he was with me — he went to that family and told them: "He has disappeared. He doesn't want the shidduch. He ran away."

28:36 That is how he betrayed me. And after that, the shidduch was called off for me, of course, and I was in sorrow over it that whole week. And suddenly — I didn't understand; these things I understood only afterward, when I understood how not everyone who is someone great, or a rav — I mean, everything — if he is not truth... Suddenly I understood: it is all — that one is tied to that one, and this is tied to this. Suddenly I didn't understand what was going on here. I said: What — don't people want the Holy One, blessed be He? Don't they want to learn Torah? What are they looking for?

29:05 Suddenly I understood: it is a competition over patrons, a competition over people, a competition for the public's sympathy. I said: This does not interest me. I serve Hashem. I am not looking for a public, not looking for politics, not looking. I want to live, I want to learn Torah, I want — And I simply told them piercing things: Get hold of yourselves! Look where you have ended up! You are people of trust — no? If Hashem wants it: "In your place they will seat you; by your name they will call you," "and no man touches what is prepared for his fellow." I said things to them: Where is the trust? What are you afraid of? What are you worried about? "You shall not fear any man" — that is the clear halachic rule for a judge

29:39 who sits in judgment. Why are you afraid of someone? You cannot be swayed in judgment, if you — Be truth. And I simply asked them to leave me alone, and they really did leave me alone: almost five months of quiet, after that shidduch was called off. And then, still, because of the lashon hara — no one corrected it — they still did not want me, until one of my students, who had a daughter — his daughter told him: "Father, I will agree to marry him."

30:09 So I said to her, "If you agree..." I held a meeting and told her a few conditions. She agreed to them, and that was the wedding — [unclear], in simplicity — my wedding. That is how it was, and I got married. After that it was quiet, and I was giving shiurim and everything, and again that noise died down, and again there was Torah and everything.

30:35 And again they came — those same persecutors of mine. They came there — it was in the middle of a shiur. They tried — to this day, if you notice, I drink from sealed bottles, to this day, not out of anxiety or anything; for years — it has been this way for years. They put poison in the water for me, in the middle of a shiur. I went to drink in the middle of the shiur, and I look at the water, and I smell something strange, and I ask: Who brought the water? No one answered.

31:03 No one answered that. No one — no, no, nothing. Then someone took the water and threw it out. And then we understood that this was already a real war — that they were really trying to harm me. And that is only one of such things. They simply persecuted me in all kinds of ways, and they came to me and told me: "If you want to live, and so on, don't give shiurim. Keep to your own four cubits, [unclear], be in..."

31:29 That is simply what they said to me. And they came to me, to the shiur, and I fled from them. That is from this persecution that I went through from them. And baruch Hashem, they left me alone, and I went on with my own life. But, baruch Hashem — [unclear] — every time, they rise up anew. I don't have many enemies — I have no enemies, because I have never done harm to any man. I did no harm to anyone, and it cannot be said of me that I did harm to someone — only the good and the light that I give. And I understand that today it is a world of competition.

31:58 People can be in competition with themselves. I do not go down to such levels. I also don't care what is said [unclear], because whoever wants to — let him go. After you have the testimony of a path of light, of Torah, and a person chooses to listen to nonsense and to lashon hara — everyone can choose his own way. In my eyes it is a low level to be associated with and given over to petty opinions and empty things, rather than to the light and the truth, which prevails. And I personally, too — It once happened with the Rebbe of [name unclear]: once, chassidim came to him.

32:30 They were coming to the Rebbe, and on the way they said: "If he knows my Tosafos, he will be my Rebbe." The second said: "If he knows what I am thinking, he will be my Rebbe." And the third said: "If he brings it about for my wife that she gives birth easily — she was having a difficult labor — he will be my Rebbe." As soon as they came in to the Rebbe, he said: "You — mazal tov, your wife has given birth. You — your Tosafos is in Tractate Kesubos, page 64. And you — this is what you are thinking.

32:54 Now go away from me, because I do not want to be your rav." As if to say: "You think that you... [unclear]? Not I." Sometimes the outlook is: I am looking for people of truth, a way of truth. I am not looking for... And consider: to this day, everything I have built is with blood, with sweat. I do not lean on anyone before me. Everything I have built, all my works, all my sefarim — all the sefarim; here you can see all my sefarim.

33:20 Look how many sefarim — many have come out — and look, all of this is sefarim. And also how many sefarim we were kept from bringing out — many things were prevented from coming out — because we have to do everything alone: the synagogue in Jerusalem too, and enlarging the synagogue here too. And all my works: I have one on the siddur of tefillah, I have responsa in halachah, I have this one, [title unclear] — five volumes — the Divrei Shlomo; [title unclear], the laws of Shabbos — many volumes. All of these are my Torah works, [title unclear], and all the shiurim, the in-depth studies — I have them on all sorts of things: on Shas, on Mishnayos, on all sorts of things.

33:59 A full treasury that, with Hashem's help, will come out. Some — here, this one has come out too. A sefer I will give you afterward, with an inscription. All kinds of things that have come out. And this path is a path of blood, of toil. And this is what I am glad about: that precisely from this — from the battle, from the simplicity — from this, the Holy One, blessed be He, is with you. When you give your very self for Hashem, when you want the Holy One, blessed be He — the Holy One, blessed be He, is with you. Not that you are looking for...

34:28 That you are walking the right path — that is what matters. That is the right thing: that you — that you care what the Holy One, blessed be He, thinks of you. You know, if you are with the Holy One, blessed be He, and the whole world is not with you, you will prevail over the whole world. But if the whole world is with you, and the Holy One, blessed be He, is not with you, you have lost, and in the end you will be alone. The body "is carried to the grave," "and his soul mourns over him."

34:52 The most important thing is that the Holy One, blessed be He, always be with me. I am always thinking: what does He think, what would He want, what would He think, how should I have behaved. And with all the pain I went through, and all the tears I went through, and all the sorrow I went through in life, and all my hardships, and so many questions, and all the things I had — I only give thanks [unclear] for every hardship, and every day that was hard for me in life, and every sorrow, and all my knowledge — and I made use of the time.

35:21 And I learned the Torah not in order to learn the whole Torah, because I learned the... my thirst to learn the Torah — suddenly I discovered that I had finished a tractate, suddenly I discovered that I had finished five volumes. I never paid attention to it, because I was not looking to finish; I was looking to begin. When you learn in order to seek the Holy One, blessed be He, you are looking to see Who the King is — your learning is different. You look in Tosafos in Tractate Taanis, page 7, where Tosafos write: learning in order to taunt, and to be proud, to be "Rabbi" — is a potion of death, and not a potion of life.

35:53 You are not learning the Torah for the sake of — really, what is your goal? In Tractate Berachos, page 17, on learning Torah for its own sake — you see in the words of the Meiri, in Sefer Chassidim, section [number unclear], that a person who learns, Heaven forbid, in order to taunt — he learns, and he is wicked; he is called outright wicked. I was never in such a place, because I always want to give light, always want — You know, I also try — sometimes, when some bachur comes and wants me to test him on some topic — to ask them what they do know. I don't even want to embarrass them.

36:23 I am not comfortable asking something they would not know. One time I asked a question, and I sensed that someone did not know, so I gave the answer together with him, so that he would not feel disheartened. There is no point in using the Torah — this pure thing, the purest thing in the world — to extinguish the Jewish people. You have to light up the Jewish people: to see what Jews know, not what Jews do not know; not what is wrong with a Jew, but what is right and good in a Jew — and to bring him close.

36:51 We use the Torah as a kind of axe to gore one another with — [unclear]. And I will tell you something else: it may be that my problem, too, is this — it is my lowliness. If I were proud, and tried each time to make noise with everyone and compete with them, then maybe, you know, that would let you win. But I am not like that. I am not looking to impress anyone, I am not looking to defeat anyone, I am not looking to impress anyone — I want to impress the Holy One, blessed be He.

37:20 Nothing in the world interests me, only what the King will think of me, because I know that the King is eternal. My path has to be something clean, to be engraved in the world — that there be a clean Torah. We must learn the Torah for its own sake. We have reached a state where we have lost the Torah; we have spoiled it, taken it to places of commerce, of competition, of wars, of disputes, of speaking in the name of Hashem.

37:47 We have taken over the world, as if — we reach a state where suddenly you understand that you are in a world that is competitive. And this world ought to be the cleanest, because it is the world of trust in Hashem. Rabbeinu Bachya writes: this world is called the world of worry. There is room for everyone. Why is it suddenly a competition? Suddenly you understand that you are constantly being pushed away, and all the time they want to [unclear] you. Why? For what? I mean — you understand, the very fact — this is the crooked way of looking that we have today at the Torah: that we do not learn it in order to seek the light and the good; we search it for what is not good.

38:24 And that is the breakage; that is the distance that you see; that is people having a hard time; those are the troubles. In Tractate Shabbos, page 139, the Gemara says: if you have seen many troubles, go and examine the judges of Israel. For today, judges — instead of using "You shall not fear any man" [unclear] — all day, this one talks about that one, and this one is against that one, and that one judges that one. All day long. "And it was in the days when the judges judged" — everyone is judging everyone. And for nothing, yeshivah bachurim — they throw a bachur out of yeshivah.

38:52 Where will he go? He will be lost; a whole generation will be lost — no one cares. The main thing is that this one not be hurt, and that one not be hurt. In the end this one is hurt too, and that one is hurt, and everyone understands. One must raise up, gather in; one must lift. "Lift it up, so that they not say: Tomorrow they are coming to us, and now they mock us" — in Tractate Berachos, page 18a. He says to him — the tzitzis [unclear] of Rabbi Yonasan — he tells him, "Dalyei" — lift it up. This is how I learn from it: lift the person up, lift him upward, lift him high; make the light shine.

39:20 I always try to raise Torah scholars. I have students — truly, I am telling you — to speak of the lions — Torah scholars who come to me on the festivals; they are not here all year, because I give them study schedules — but Torah scholars, lions, who know Shas in every place, the Shulchan Aruch; and some are in Kabbalah — they are more in Kabbalah — and some in the plain meaning, and in everything. And you see that today there are students — a student who had never finished Shas and had not learned Torah, and I took him, and by this day he has finished Shas several times, and he is expert in Shas and has written sefarim. And you see — that was my satisfaction: that I brought someone to have knowledge of Torah, and he is happy, and he got married,

40:00 children — and that is my imprint: to see that you manage to engrave good out of nothing, out of nothing — from toil and with self-sacrifice. If you toil, if you serve Hashem, there is no such thing as the Holy One, blessed be He, not being with you. The Holy One, blessed be He, sees you. That is the proof: how He saw someone like me, from nothing — He saw, and saw that there is truth here, and He lifted up this truth. He knows that it is clean. And whoever looks at it, and looks at the matter truthfully — you will see [unclear] chiddushei Torah, and that there is a path here, true and clean.

40:37 When there is a clean Torah, you can read and learn and truly come close to the Holy One, blessed be He — which is what is needed, that is, to come close to the Holy One, blessed be He. When you come close to the Holy One, blessed be He, and you want this, you suddenly discover a wondrous world, a pure world, a sweet world. No evil, no harsh judgments, no troubles, no disputes. To get out of this bubble of [unclear] and of all these things.

41:02 - Precisely because of this so fascinating story, about the life, from the... — I told it to you in the smallest way. Truly. If I could tell you — it is much longer. But I told you a little, truly just a little. - It is astounding, and precisely because of that the question so begs to be asked. First of all, how did the Rav actually connect to Torah learning, at what age, and all that one sees today — one sees knowledge of the entire Torah, that the Rav — wherever the Rav is asked, the Rav knows and answers.

41:32 How does one reach such knowledge of the Torah, and from what age? - I will answer. Look, the age itself, to tell you — because I was from a traditional home, in a home of Torah, it comes to you like — you are inside it. My grandmother, the righteous woman; my uncles, in Torah. It is as if you are at a level of Torah, not at the scholarly level, because it is found more among simple, traditional people. So my exposure was more to Midrashim, more to Tehillim, more to the simple things, as a child — as one who was less [unclear]. To the Yerushalmi — yes?

42:17 to that I came more at the age of twelve, thirteen. Yes? You hear? In that respect, the learning came more from the direction — not from the direction... I did not know the... I did not so much understand this direction of knowing the Torah. I did not understand what "great" is. I was in a kind of place of just being there. I did not understand that if you know how to finish Shas — I did not understand it in that place.

42:49 You just learn; you learn because you want to know Hashem. - When did this connection to the Torah come — that is, that the Rav saw success in learning? - I never understood that it was success. Even today, I am not in that place. You know, I learn the Torah in order to show that the Holy One, blessed be He, is great, and that you — when you come to me — that you should be great. I am not looking to make myself great. I do not learn the Torah from a place of wanting to be great. I learn the Torah from a place of wanting to make great.

43:17 I learn the Torah from a place of wanting the Holy One, blessed be He, to be great. The bond, or the connection, precisely to Tehillim, and to clarity and simplicity, is what opened my heart. You know: "Open our heart to Your Torah." We do not say, "Open our intellect to Your Torah." When the heart opens to the Torah, suddenly you understand it with a different outlook. The Mishnah is a different Mishnah.

43:42 When I learn the Mishnah, I will see Hashem. You learn Gemara — you will see Hashem. You are not learning Gemara now in order to — well — you learn because you are curious to know what stands behind this wisdom, and who they were — so G-d-fearing. That was my guiding line. Out of that I learned the Yerushalmi; out of that I finished the Yerushalmi.

44:06 And suddenly I discovered that I had finished it three times. I had not realized. I saw the bookmark one time and said: Wow, I have already finished this. What, am I learning it again? Fine — again. Suddenly you look, and you say: Wow — you are finishing it. Suddenly you finish, and you do not grasp it — fine, so you know. But you do not try to make use of what you know, or try to know — "Ah, I know! Who doesn't know?" I was not in that kind of place.

44:31 I did not understand that such a place even exists. And I tell you: this is how one must learn Torah. You must learn Torah in order to seek Who stands behind this sefer. Not — not for anything else. If you do not learn it this way, you have never begun to learn Torah. Because when we learn Torah in order to know what is written — you can know what is written in the sefer.

44:56 The computer, too, knows what is written in the sefer. Every computer knows exactly what is written here, and it will be more precise than I am. It will also show you the source references and the numbers. I cannot tell you "this and this," but it will tell you the numbers, the page, the printing edition, and the... the computer will tell you everything. There is no need for that. The Holy One, blessed be He, has the Gra of Vilna; the Holy One, blessed be He, has the Rashba, the Ritva, the Maharam of Rothenburg, all the great ones, all the Rishonim, all the Sages, all the Tannaim.

45:23 He wants to see you. He wants to see who you are. He wants to see what you give Him, what you can do for Him. He wants to see how you use this sefer and seek Him, blessed be He. When you search the Yerushalmi — you know, the Talmud Yerushalmi, in its kedushah, is more than the Bavli. It is a hundred years before the Bavli. The Talmud Yerushalmi is awesome and mighty, very, very much. In the level of its kedushah it truly has a great virtue. It is different from the Talmud Bavli, but this is the virtue and the importance: that you learn the Torah solely in order to know Him Who spoke and the world came into being.

45:58 The bond to the Torah, the attachment to the Torah, the understanding of the Torah — and when you rise from it you feel an entirely different light. And it opens up for you differently, too; it also — you remember it more. You know what? I want to give you a parable. A person who, Heaven forbid, went through a tragedy — he went through some some kind of suffering; he was in some incident where he saw some terrorist, or something bad.

46:25 Will he remember all his life the color of the terrorist, the color of the man, the number that there was, the date and the day? He will remember, right? "What do you mean! I — in nineteen-such-and-such — it was exactly this, exactly." He describes details to you. You say: How does this person remember it? From where does he remember? What do you say? Will anyone say, "What a memory he has"? No one will say that. What will they say? Out of fear he remembered.

46:53 As for me, I have no memory at all. I don't understand whether it is memory; I don't think it is a special memory, yes? No. I have a memory, yes? I remember — also when I was little, I would remember things. I remember, I remember; I have a memory. But I do not build what I have on memory. I build it because I tremble before Hashem. When you fear the Holy One, blessed be He, you remember the Torah. And you say — you understand that the One Who created this great world, created all the galaxies, this whole awesome world — now, when you see the sun and the moon and the galaxies — He created all that is in the sea, and all that is in them; that He brings death and gives life, overturns a person —

47:34 the heart, this muscle that every moment goes like this, stops beating, the person is in the grave, and it is over — like — there is Someone who controls all of this. It makes you tremble. And you say: this is His book. Here His will and His wisdom are revealed. He wants you to know this Mishnah; He wants you to know this Gemara. Otherwise, you are liable to err. When you learn it within that awe, you will never forget it.

48:00 That is my line, that is my character, that is my strength. That is how I learned. That is my way. It did not come from anywhere else, and I'll tell you, and I am glad that this is how it came into my hands. [unclear] and that is how Hashem wanted it. If the Holy One, blessed be He, had wanted otherwise... He is the One who turns my whole life; and sometimes there are things... 'awesome in His deeds' — He is the Awesome One of the deeds; He is the One who brings about all the causes, and who directs all the wonders that happen in the world.

48:29 And that is what there is; that is what it is. What can I do? - Truly, with the Rav we see miracles and salvations beyond the way of nature; we see stories that people do not believe such a thing exists in our generation. What is the explanation for it? How does the Rav really manage to bring about such things? - You asked a fine question. I'll explain something to you.

48:54 You know, the Holy One, blessed be He, He does miracles and wonders beyond all fathoming, every day, all day, every moment, for all of us. Miracles happened 200 years ago, right? 50 years ago — you have heard of the wonder stories that there were? There were, 200 years ago and 300 years ago and 400 years ago, there were wonder stories — true, there were not many; there were, at times, in all kinds of towns, certain tzaddikim who had great miracles and all, right?

49:21 Look, when you understand that there is a King above you, and you understand that there is the Holy One, blessed be He, in the world — like, you know, sometimes when I look at it I say: how does the world not grasp this? There is Someone who created the world — and it is as if the world has no awe and fear. As if: fine, there is Someone in Heaven, and we want... He has to do my request, give me a match for the children, give me this — and if He does not answer, [unclear].

49:48 We come to the Holy One, blessed be He, in a mistaken way. All I do is go — I come to the King in a simple way, and you ask in a very simple way. That is the thing that brings you to understanding, and suddenly He hears. I do not think — I do not attribute anything to myself, because I tell you: it is clear to me as the sun that I do not exist.

50:14 We are flesh and blood; anyone who is here in this world has no ability to bring about anything. One has to understand: the power of miracles and all these things are things that only the King, the One who created the world, has in His hand to do. Only the One who formed this world, only the One who formed the world, the only One, who formed this whole world, He is the One who can Himself change what is in creation, right?

50:41 If you now have something that you control, is there anyone else who can do it? No one. Only the One who created man can say to a tumor: 'That's it, not here; this — no; this — move.' Only the King can do that; I cannot do such a thing. So, like, I certainly have no connection to it. Simply, it seems, that Jew for whom the miracle took place had a merit; the Holy One, blessed be He, saw the pain in his heart, and I was like the final blow of the hammer, you know — one more small tefillah, one more small blessing, hop — and it became 'Give thanks to Hashem, for He is good.'

51:15 Like, the world is shaken. Like, every time I use this, so that the world always will not be confused. I tell the Jew: first say 'Give thanks to Hashem, for He is good' — [unclear] say 'Give thanks to Hashem' — that this is Hashem. I say that all the time, and baruch Hashem. And you know, I'll tell you one more thing: I think Hashem wants these miracles; He also has mercy on me. Do you know why? Because to hear so many troubles — it breaks you. It breaks you, and it is hard to see small children.

51:42 I see very hard sights. Children, people — a person comes to me with [unclear] head, with [unclear], he opens up his head — you see a pit, you see things that... Another person — you would not be able to eat afterwards, you would not be able to drink. I am strong by now, yes? But but someone else who would see just one story like that, one thing like that, would not be able to contain or understand this pain at all.

52:09 And the Holy One, blessed be He, does miracles also out of mercy on me; He says: 'Here, see good too, see good too. You hear troubles, troubles, troubles.' It is hard, hearing troubles and problems, and people — a trouble from here and a trouble from there; you are only trying to do good and to help, and on the other hand you answer here and ask there in Torah, and a question, and suddenly you return to a matter of halachah, and after that you suddenly return to someone with a trouble, and suddenly, after someone has cried to you and you heard his pain and you are troubled over him, suddenly someone can come to you with a question from over here; you suddenly — you do not know where you are; you are inside a kind of overload,

52:43 and it is as if suddenly the light, as it were, [unclear] says to me: 'I hear you; continue.' [unclear] ...one more crossing through the sea, 'continue,' as it were. It is very hard, but there is the One who spoke and the world came to be, and He did and does all the wonders. And I think that is good, no? It is good that Hashem answers us. - Amazing. - And I think, on the contrary, that if one like me, a nothing of a nothing of a nothing, who came from nothing — He hears, then all the more so everyone who is far greater than me and better than me: He will certainly answer them. Only a change in thinking: to serve Him in truth, without seeking — you know, doing the deed of Zimri and asking for [unclear].

53:23 A person wants to be like this and like this and like this, 'but along the way I also want the Torah, and this too' — 'why did He not answer?' Be with Him to the end. The Holy One, blessed be He, loves that you are with Him to the end. He does not like a person being with Him [unclear]; He does not like the [unclear]. [unclear] 'How long will you waver between two opinions?' The Holy One, blessed be He, loves this: go with Him to the end, and He is with you to the end. He does not like the sides. That is it.

53:49 - Exactly so. We are coming toward the end, and a few, a few questions. We saw recently that all kinds of people said, 'The Rav, the Yanuka, is the Mashiach,' and we saw that the Rav outright silenced them and protested against them. Truly, what is the Rav's view on the matter? - Look, Mashiach is a light in all the Jewish people; in every Jew there is Mashiach. In you there is Mashiach, in you there is Mashiach — in you, and in the whole audience and all the people here, each one of the people here, of the public.

54:20 In all the Jewish people there is Mashiach. Mashiach is light and hope that exists in each one of the Jewish people. The Holy One, blessed be He, does not depend on anyone. The Holy One, blessed be He, has no one whom He depends on. The Holy One, blessed be He, chose His entire people. Now what happens? Sometimes, you know, people see miracles, they see someone — he brings light, he does this — you know, they get mixed up; like, they now decode it as some kind of thing. But Mashiach — one can only laugh at that, because Mashiach — in Tractate Sanhedrin, page 94b: 'The Holy One, blessed be He, sought to make Chizkiyahu the Mashiach and Sancheriv Gog.'

54:54 The Holy One, blessed be He, seeks about the Mashiach, and then He said: 'Razi li, razi li' — 'My secret is Mine, My secret is Mine.' It is a secret that is, as it were, reserved to the Holy One, blessed be He, Himself. The Holy One, blessed be He, decides whom He will choose and who it will be. As long as the Holy One, blessed be He, has not announced and has not chosen anyone — I say all the time: if only I would be something like the donkey of the Mashiach. Maybe that I should do everything — but, how do they say it, I do everything in order to bring him; I do everything so that it will be, and I always say: with Hashem's help, when Mashiach comes, I am going on vacation,

55:26 and I want to go and get away a little, to be in seclusion, to recover from this whole exile. I am not seeking crowns, nor messiahship, nor — it does not interest me. Every time, I tell people: do not look for the Mashiach; look for how Mashiach will come; look for the Holy One, blessed be He, Himself. We are not looking for flesh and blood once again; this has to be understood. When we speak of geulah, when we speak of Mashiach, we are speaking of the kingship of Hashem.

55:53 We are already fed up with... [unclear], and kingdoms, and what — once again, like, someone will come now and want to tell us? That is not it. It is not from that place. That is not what is about to come. What is about to come is a revelation of Heaven. We need the Holy One, blessed be He, as King over us, and the Holy One, blessed be He, Himself, that He should reign over us. We need to ask for the King, the Holy One, blessed be He — and that is where I direct everyone who comes to me: only to the Creator.

56:17 And because of that He hears, answers and protects. - We are sitting here with the Rav, like this, with such authenticity, and we are hearing this whole special story. On the other hand, we hear all kinds of people outside who say: 'Everything that happens with the Rav, the Yanuka, is PR; it is people who were brought in specially in order to publicize.' - Okay, continue. - That is to say, how does the Rav really see things — all the voices that are going around? - I say: there is PR here, by one Someone, whom you know.

56:50 Do you know Him? No — but it is the Holy One, blessed be He. I do not think that ever — I am telling you this with certainty — never, ever, anyone... and more than that: I ran away; I ran away from every camera. There are shiurim of mine — I have, among the students, several groups of students; those who did not want... I said back then not to publicize my shiurim and not to film me. There are entire shiurim in audio — thousands of shiurim in audio only — and I did not agree to there being a camera.

57:21 So one group of students said: 'No, there is no need to listen to the Rav. Put a camera; a day will come and they will want this. Put a camera; the Rav will not see.' That is what they did. 'After the fact the Rav will thank us, that the Torah will be seen,' and so on; 'put it in secret.' That is to say, what the Rav says: 'No, we do not put one — the Rav said no.' So you can sometimes see, in old shiurim too, that suddenly there is a camera that is far away, and suddenly a camera is placed that... Why was that? I was asked this question about the cameras — why did a camera once film from far away — 'and we want...'

57:50 I explained it to them. I ran from this so much, and I run from it. I tell you, I do not need — I do not care about the world's opinion. I care that I do good for the world and that I do good for the Holy One, blessed be He. I do not need this. I never needed this. And more than that: I also thought — there is someone from among us, from the students, who is prepared to pay a very large sum to whoever finds the one who is doing the PR — he will receive a gift or a prize; only let them bring him — let them find that person whom they paid, or whom they brought in — find him.

58:27 Whoever they find — let them bring one; for each one that anyone brings, they will receive a very large sum. You can ask afterwards who it is, and he will give it; there is a prize. We will help whoever finds that person who did the PR and paid, and was paid. So I tell you: to my joy, we have not used this. It is clean, clean, clean, and because it is so clean, people — you know, when there is nothing bad to say about you, what do they say?

58:59 'It's like this, it's that.' Whoever is wise, his eyes are in his head. We do not need to go down to those places; we do not need that. The Torah is found in a corner; that is my way: simplicity and modesty. And the Holy One, blessed be He, is the One who did everything, everything, everything, everything. I only run from honor, and only run from all these things. - Really to conclude, we will ask the Rav: with the Rav we see something special about music; the Rav already mentioned it earlier.

59:26 What is really the reason that the Rav, after every shiur, at every gathering, plays music himself for the public? - Look, I love music very much, for several reasons. One: I love its simplicity very much. The simplicity of music, when you play — you know, you see a person as he truly is. Do you know when you see a real person? When do you see a person? When he begins to dance.

59:52 King David was leaping and whirling, and Michal the daughter of Shaul laughed at him — like, she said, like, she belittled him a little. What is there in dancing? In dancing, in a niggun, you see simplicity. I love simplicity very much. Simplicity. I am not looking to show everything, like that. Simplicity — in music there is simplicity. I play, yes; I am a musician. I love being a musician and being involved in music, also with artists who want from me a niggun or something. I play because the niggun both connects the audience and gives people joy, and lets people rejoice, and gives people hope, and you see people happy.

1:00:30 Look, the truth is, I would have liked, you know, to sing a little. I do not have a first-rate voice; I once used to read from the Torah a lot. I like being a chazzan a little, trying a little, doing it at times. I do not think I am in that field, but I love music, song, very much. I love it very much, I tell you the truth. That kind of simplicity. But the Holy One, blessed be He, gave me [unclear], so I love to play very much. Instead of making the song with my mouth, I do it like this, with playing.

1:00:56 And music also connects you very much to the Holy One, blessed be He. And music very much brings you to a place that disconnects you from people's voices, disconnects you from the world. Suddenly it is song, it is music, it is sounds; it is so moving, and it brings you close to the Holy One, blessed be He. And also, you know, my brother, with everything you go through and hear, the music is, as it were, in a place where it says to you: 'Let it out,' and you arrive at a niggun of feeling, and it always accompanies you. There is a niggun that I composed — all of my niggunim are niggunim that I played at that very moment, and that is what was recorded.

1:01:36 They are niggunim that, as it were — the niggun, as it were, came out like that. Say, I have a niggun, 'Yesh Tikvah' — 'There Is Hope' — which I played after receiving the public, when there were tragedies and things, and I simply came — I was like that for two hours — I am sitting in the morning, toward dawn; I am sitting like that and I — 'Oh, that was hard today' — I am, like, saying, 'Oh, oh, it is harrowing.' It is, at times — it is very frightening. You see sights: someone comes and puts a child before you, like this, with tubes; someone comes to you with a tumor; that one comes with his stomach; that one comes with things.

1:02:04 You hear hard things. And there was a child — a very hard story — a child, very, very — over whom I cried a great deal. I was very broken by it. Baruch Hashem, today [unclear] — the child came out of it: no illness, nothing — with great joy. But that night — that morning, after praying at sunrise — I composed; I sat, I played. And many of my niggunim came out on a Tuesday, after receiving the public, at all kinds of hours. And this niggun — I played it right away; the niggun 'Yesh Tikvah' came out.

1:02:31 And there is a niggun from when I was also — one, very — a bit brokenhearted, and I felt a bit of a broken heart, and loneliness, and I cried to Hashem and I prayed to Hashem; so I called it the niggun 'Levad BaDerech' — 'Alone on the Way.' That is what I called it. A niggun I am very connected to; I called it 'Alone on the Way' — that I, as it were — that He should help me more, and hear me, and help me on my way. So I called it the niggun 'Alone on the Way.' Every niggun has a meaning, with something that happened. 'Chazak Ve'ematz' — 'Be Strong and Courageous' — is a niggun I composed about someone who was truly broken and was inclined to take his own life, and I managed to restore his spirit;

1:03:03 so I called it the niggun 'Chazak Ve'ematz,' and I — you know, music is something that — that is its purpose, too. I do not play just in order to play; I play with purposes. Every time, it is a niggun with a purpose; the niggun has a purpose; the atmosphere of the music after a shiur has a purpose; rejoicing — it is always, as it were, with a purpose. I do not do anything that is without a purpose. That is the intention. In music there is a purpose. You know, at the feast of Achashverosh there was everything except music.

1:03:31 Achashverosh was afraid that their hearts would return to G-d when they heard the music. - First of all, to conclude, we thank the Rav for giving us so much of his time like this, truly — this whole fascinating story. A message of encouragement, truly, for the Jewish people. - This is the story really in brief; know that there are many more details, many things. - It is interesting to hear how. - Very interesting ones. And in the end, you know, we will expand on it; but there is a great deal. I told you, it is a fascinating story; you will not understand how many more things there are — moving ones — many things. There are also many things, you know, that cannot always be explained, because there is no time to explain them, and also

1:04:08 one has to know how to explain them. Many things, many facets, many directions — in guidance, in Torah; there are many things to talk about, but this too shall pass. And what did you want to ask? - Let us say it like this: we are approaching the days of the festival of Sukkos. Truly, a message of encouragement for the Jewish people ahead of the festival of Sukkos. - Encouragement for Israel, for Sukkos. You know, on Sukkos we leave — in sukkos they dwell — we all sit inside the sukkah and look at the sky.

1:04:36 You know, like — you notice that, by the times of the festivals, we have Sukkos, we have Pesach and Shavuos. Shavuos is the symbol of that person with the desire for money. Whoever has money, and whoever thinks about money — he is told: Shavuos — now, the receiving of the Torah. That's it; it's over. You will occupy yourself only with Torah. King David — 'his mouth did not cease from learning' — David was a king; he did not stop learning Torah. What do you think you are?

1:05:03 Now learn Torah. And the rich man — Shavuos has broken his desire for money: now to learn, to stay awake all night learning Torah. On Pesach: a person, all year long — cooked dishes, chametz, bread. You — now, for a week, no desire for eating. That's it; he stops eating. So he breaks his desire for eating; he eats the matzos, and it is hard for him, and he is not used to eating matzah — suddenly — it is hard for him, but all right.

1:05:30 Sukkos arrives. The great rich man is used to being in his palace, in his kingdom, [unclear] at home — 'Go outside! Go out! Sit here. Think: you sit like everyone else.' Everyone [unclear] in sukkos. Look to the heavens. The Holy One, blessed be He, made it precisely in weather like this — is it not for what is written in the Gemara, in Avodah Zarah, page 3 — that in the time to come the Holy One, blessed be He, says: 'Come, let us see you, nations of the world. You are all shouting, making noise — you want to obey Me?'

1:05:57 He gives them a little of the sun out of its sheath — they kick the sukkah; they cannot be there for a moment like that. The Jewish people — the Holy One, blessed be He, says to them: 'Come, take the sukkah in weather when it is already starting to get cold.' It is really not easy for people to be in the sukkah at this time. Even so, a person suddenly moves into a temporary dwelling; he understands that this world — this is not it. Have pity on yourself; listen well to what good it is that you do. Be good, do good, look at the good, see the good, and lift your eyes to the heavens.

1:06:23 See the s'chach: the Shechinah is closest to you. You know, there is no need to go around anywhere on Sukkos — not graves of tzaddikim, nothing. On Sukkos, the Shechinah, the Holy One, blessed be He — to you, here, above your head. Pray. [unclear] The custom is to kiss the walls of the sukkah, to kiss the s'chach — everything is holy. One who enters the sukkah — it is like a mikveh. These are the only things that the whole body enters: the mikveh, the sukkah. You sit in the sukkah. And also the ultimate purpose — there is a house: a house is for hosting guests — and the sukkah.

1:06:50 So when you come to the sukkah, this is the great message: no matter what you have — everyone, whether you are the richest or you are the poorest — in the end everyone sits in the sukkah. No matter what, and however hard it is for you in life, however hard your livelihood is, and the financial burden is hard on you, and it seems to you that everything is closed in on you and your hardship is great — know that the light comes from your hardship. The Jewish people are compared to olives: 'crushed' — the more you crush, the more oil comes out.

1:07:18 Everything you suffer and everything you have gone through — in the end you will have wonderful vessels. That is the message of Sukkos: that it is possible to come out of anything. And never feel that you are alone, because the Holy One, blessed be He, always envelops you; and always lift your eyes to the heavens. - Thank you very much to the Rav for the wonderful words. - Thank you very much, sir. May you have a happy festival. And you managed to draw a few things out of me, like this, from the heart.

1:07:43 - The merit of the public. - Thank you very much. A good year, and may you be sealed for good. I was glad to meet you; you are invited, whenever you want, to come and pray with us. - Amen, amen. - Thank you very much, sir. A good year, and may you be sealed for good. Much success, a good life, all the best.