How to Argue without Hurting the Marriage - Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch

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The opening of this shiur, in Hidabroot - Torah & Judaism’s own words — taken from the captions, so names and Hebrew terms may be approximate.

[Music] one of the most important questions I'm asked all the time is should a couple aim to avoid fighting at all costs and the answer is not necessarily according to John Gman one of the leading marriage researchers in the world he believes that arguing sometimes is a normal and natural part of a relationship he says natural part of a relationship he says you should try to avoid arguing sometimes arguing allows you to assert yourself express your needs work through feelings with your spouse but he says arguing is not a problem the problem is how you argue you need to argue in certain way and if you do that effectively the arguments will not be as damaging let's take a look however at four ways that you could hurt each other by arguing in the wrong way and Gman calls this the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in fact he can show you Apocalypse in fact he can show you scientifically he can predict up to 97% accuracy if a marriage will fail based upon the fact that they're using these four uh negative Horsemen in their relationships the first of the four uh Horsemen of the Apocalypse is what Gutman calls criticism I have to tell you one of the most poisonous thing in all relationships is criticism when couples come to see me for help I'll notice right away are they highly critical or are they accepting of one another if a spouse is always being told

Jump to a moment

1. 0:01[Music] one of the most important questions I'm asked all the time is should a couple…
2. 0:31natural part of a relationship he says you should try to avoid arguing sometimes arguing allows…
3. 1:03Apocalypse in fact he can show you scientifically he can predict up to 97% accuracy if…
4. 1:34another if a spouse is always being told what's wrong with them they're going to feel…
5. 2:34a kid and saying hey you spilled the milk well that's not the best thing there's…
6. 3:04contempt and disliking the other person it's going to cause a tremendous rupture in the relationship…
7. 3:34take any responsibility if you don't take responsibility and you start saying it's not true it's…
8. 4:36uh sometimes people behave in what a way we call passive aggressive what does passive aggressive…
9. 5:07WhatsApp their spouse and he didn't respond for a few hours and the wife felt terrible…
10. 5:38maintain a lot of goodwi for one another welcome to this new series on heah brute…

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